Yes, today I am feeling extremly melancholy. As though I am walking through a dense fog, everyone seems so far away right now, everyone that I wish were close right now. Something happened today, I spoke with Mythril, and I didn't love him. I just didn't feel that all consuming passion to see him to be near him. And yet I spoke with Silver and he envoked my passion. I am falling in love with him and I want to say something but I am too afraid to. I am afraid that he doesn't love me back. I am afraid that he believes me to be nothing more than a slut. Oh, happiness within reach and already I have done something to push it away without even knowing it. He's one of us, thats the scary thing. He really is one of us, and he makes me think of ancient memories. He makes me think of Home. Of a time when peace wasn't an impossible dream. And all I want right now is to be back in his arms. Last night She asked me what I would give up for happiness, how much I was willing to give up. I think She was asking if I would give up this delusion that Mythril will ever LOVE me. And on top of all this, Malachi was arrested last night. Not that I didn't expect it, its just so much stress that I don't need, and I am tempted to just forget about him, to never worry what he is doing again. To free myself. I intended to leave everything behind when I leave this place, but now I am not sure that I could keep that promise. I have something that calls me something that could actually hold me down. Or maybe like everything else it will disappear in a while. I just don't know right now. I seem to constantly function in a state of Confusion...notice i said function not live.