I have been in New Orleans for almost a week now, and this is the first day that it has rained. Although its not just raining is storming, the thunder sounds distant though, it neve came near today, I don't know if it does ever come near, like i said this the first time that its rained since I arrived. It was odd though, I always that of rain as smelling fresh, but when I walked out of my dorm today it reeked of sulfur. Not a pleasant scent at all. But thats not actually why I decieded to post another entry. I once again have so much to work through, I wish I knew how men viewed me. Mythril speaks of liking to go to the gym because there is eye candy, and I wonder if he considers me eye candy. I am actually going to ask him, not that i am sure that I am going to get a straight answer. I want to know if he sees me as attractive. If he wasn't bent on being celibant would he actually want to be with me. And would he want to do more than just fuck me. Am i girlfriend material to him, or just another whore. I really want to know the answers to these questions. And I want to know if all those months ago if it was him or Ghost that betrayed me. Because I am starting to think that Ghost is a whole lot more devious then I gave her credit for. I will ask him about these things right after he swears to assume that I am telling the truth and not to let it escalate into a fight or tear us apart. I really do still love him. And as for Silver, its hard to love something that is so far away, but I still think of him a lot. I wonder how he is doing, and I crave the feel of his touch again. I crave the feel of anyone's touch right now. I should go...