Last night I slept wonderfully and today I decided not to go to work. I need the money but who cares? I needed a break. I spent the day reading and meditating and listening to insightful music. And breathing. I actually took a breath without worrying about anything. It’s been forever. I also cried. Not because I was happy or sad or anything. Just because I needed a release. I hold all this emotion inside. I’m too intense. I cried about things that live inside of me. Things that make me an ugly person, things that make me mean and crude. I don’t like that. Crudeness is something I can’t tolerate in myself or others. It makes me sick to think that sometimes I crave it. It makes me even sicker to think that sometimes I not only crave it but I live on it. I wrote a paragraph today. It wasn’t good but it was better than anything else I’ve been producing and I’m proud of it. Here it is for your reading pleasure: The air is crisp here. It’s hard to breath. You try to smile through the hard peaks of it. You fail. But he is there, standing with his hands in his pockets looking at you like you are actually worth something. He is there and you try to forget why you are here in the first place. He is there and you can’t help but feel a little comforted, a little less alone. He is there and he knows that you know that he knows and that everyone knows. Everyone knows that you are alone. Desperation is an emotion that you know well. You could almost wear it as a badge of courage except that it isn’t courageous to be desperate. You have to remind yourself not to hide behind your hair. You are a woman and you deserve respect. You lift your head up and say so everyone can hear: I am not alone. You say it for yourself. You say it for your mother. You say it. Sidenote: Notice in the picture, under Say Anything, it says "A Lloyd meets girl story". lmao I didn't notice it until after I posted it. That's hilarious.