Here's the beginnings of an entry: Yesterday was some nice clean family fun. I fell asleep really early, like 11 and slept till 11 or so. I hate that. More later. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I stayed in my pajamas all day. We played GTA and Tony Hawk and watched Silence of the Lambs and Terminator 3. Sundays like this are what life should be made of. I realized today that Dan is one of the nicest people and being with him makes me feel really secure. This whole situation is what I've been needing. I saw Him today. He's Dan's cousin and I'm reduced to a giggling 13 year old around him. And he never changes. Its like I paused him the last time I saw him, except for now he has a girlfriend who I'm sure I'll despise. :-) Anyway, the point is that I keep getting thrown into the same situations where I have no chance of winning and I'm helpless to get out of them and I don't even want to get out. And I have this need to be walked on and forgotten about and left behind. And there's no way to get out of the cycle because I have a weird attachment to it. It's homey and familiar.