I don't want anyone to tame me. I'm not wild or outgoing or anything like that but I do have a spirit that needs space to roam. And my aunt's boyfriend said something the other day that struck me. I don't remember the context or exactly what it was but it was something like the reason why I don't have a boyfriend is because of my attitude. My attitude. He also said something along the lines that my future husband would have to be a total whimp to get along with me. Maybe he didn't say it so harshly or even say it at all but maybe he did, I don't remember. The point is that maybe it is my attitude. I do have one. I didn't get a bad reputation in school for no reason. I'm too firm on my ideas. I'm too loud when something bothers me. I tend to irritate others with insessent questions. You know what? I wore a ring on my left hand ring finger all through high school so people would think I was with someone. Not because I was ashamed to be alone but because I didn't want anybody to bother me. I was all caught up in this experiencing the world through the written word thing. Like if it wasn't about writing or reading I wasn't interested. My life revolved around the ideas floating around my head. I thought I'd be a famous writer. I never dreamed that the well would dry up so quickly. Anyway, the point is that I've been too busy for guys. My priorities were: 1. My Work (creative endeavors) 2. Family/Friends 3. School 4. Music 5. Guys My friends at the time put Guys probably first or second. I had them dead last. Geez, I wonder why I never dated anybody. Guys want to feel like they are number one whether they are or not but I'm not willing to lie to someone. If they are number 5 they have a right to know. And another reason I am single is because I'm not willing to change my life for someone. I won't just suddenly become totally enamored with someone and forget my family or neglect my friends. Guys demand a devotion that I can't seem to give to them. It's in ample supply with family but I'm fickle. At least with crushes. One second I'm raging over a guy in English and the next I don't even remember his name. And I know guys. I know there are a million reasons for a guy to ask a girl out and most of them have nothing to do with geniune like or love. And then there is my temper. It's not a good thing. I work hard on controlling it. I work so hard on it that I have created this persona that is meek and mild and has no opinions. She is who most people meet. I don't like to be out of control and my temper makes me that way. When my control snaps I can do anything. I'm not sure of what I'm capable of when provoked. Suddenly I'm a foot taller, I grow balls, and I start talking like a sailor. It's kinda comical. A person saw me the other night in a fury and he was amazed. He'd never heard me cuss or say anything against anybody or threaten. Maybe he was a tad impressed too and I don't like that. I should be ashamed of it. Sometimes I'm not. I've lost the point. Ah, there is it. I'm single because of my bad attitude, my inability to give devotion, my priorities are screwed up, and my temper. That about covers it. Now, what do I do about it?