I HAVENT UPDATED IN SO LONG. I'm silly. Maybe it's cuz things have been good, so I don't have the need to use this journal as a realease. Except that's not true and I resorted to cutting myself again about a week ago. Blah. I'm so fucking stupid. Someone made me really angry and I took it out myself. I was fucking shaken when my sister saw the marks on my legs and asked me about them. I blamed it on the cat and quickly changed the subject. Then my boyfriend saw them. We had been mucking around while watching a movie, with his little brother and sister on the next couch. He lifted my skirt up slightly to see them better and I instinctively covered them with my hands and I couldn't look at him. We just both went silent and didn't really talk for the rest of the movie. He made a brief comment about them after, telling me I should never do it again or I should talk to him whenever I felt like doing it. I honestly can't though. I can't talk to my boyfriend, I can't trust him. It's quite sad. I wish I could but I can't and at the same time I don't want to. I like keeping the things I think and the way I think to myself. It's sort of like power he has over me if he knows everything about me. My mother says I have trust issues. I say the fact that I'm still in love with someone else is contributing majorly to my inability to open up to the one person I should. Another friend, on New Year's Eve, noticed the marks too, but again I blamed it on my cat and he was too drunk to care. I've stopped wearing skirts the past few days, because everytime someone saw them I was wearing a skirt. In other news, my hair is red. Like, real real red. Not that fake-bullshit-orange poor excuse for red either. I feel damn cool, I look so much better now. Hmmm, long update. This'll do for now. As long as I don't forget about my sitDiary.