It's funny, because I don't think I've felt this alone and depressed in a very long time. This apathetic and angry. Contradictive too, I guess. Just generally weird as well. And I'm not supposed to. I'm scared about everything and I keep doubting everything. I feel like nothing's going right. I'm in love, but I don't feel so happy. I feel like I'm nothing. Or a whole bunch of bad stuff. I hate myself again. So fucking convenient. So fucking awful. So fucking lonely. What's changed? I tell him things... and it doesn't do anything. It's not like I feel any better. When I'm with him I'm happier, I guess this is true. But when I'm not with him I'm just like I normally am. It's not like im overly depressed or anything, unless me normally is overly depressed... Why the hell aren't things any clearer? I know, I'm not trying hard enough. And now, I deliberately ignore him because he took too long to respond to me. Some ridiculous sort of revenge. But I end up feeling bad. Does that mean I love him and am supposed to give up everything for him, like I intend? I don't fucking know and it's scary. What is this? What the hell is this? Hahahaha, I'm so, so alone. It's so inconvenient.