I do think strangely (ridiculously). I’m not an idiot. I did what I thought was right. I did what came naturally to me. I lied, ONCE, because I was certain that he wouldn’t respect my wishes (as silly as they were) if I told him the truth. My life, being destroyed because I got involved with someone. Someone I didn’t know everything about (I don’t even know myself, really), someone who didn’t respect me (I don’t even respect myself, either). This is what I’m guilty of. He’s blaming me for things I have no control over, he’s acting like I planned to have a late period, like it was my fault. I thought he was a nice guy, the kind of guy who’d take mutual blame for these dreadful mistakes like pregnancy. I was terribly, terribly wrong. But it’s ok, I had my “purging”, that disgusting curse that happens to every woman lucky enough not to bring spawn into the world (it’s such a sin to be a woman and to hate it, much worse to be a revengeful one.). And we were glad. Him because he was far too unready to deal with anything like that, me because it was one less complicated thing to worry about, cry, and be depressed over. And I was very, very, very depressed. The reaction I got from him resulted in a total lack of trust. There’s no way you can trust or love a guy who blames you, insults you and freaks out over something like that. This, this will make you hurt and cry and hate yourself intensely… But does he even care about you? Fuck no; he’s so [insultingly] glad you’re not pregnant. Don’t get me wrong though, I’m so sorry to have to make him worry like that. I’ll be the first to admit I have trust issues. Actually, I’ll be the first to know it, everyone else seems to openly mention it before me though. It takes a long time and a lot of effort to earn my trust; it can’t just be bought with “good deeds”. Especially not by neglect, by refusing to accept me and respect me for who I am (I could elaborate but I’m not that petty, I’ll keep this to 700 words). Everyone had their personality flaws, though, right? Mine is the fact that I don’t like to get hurt. Should I have informed him of this? When? Before or after he got attached to me? Would he actually understand it though? Not many people do. Or should I just hope for the best, hope that I can feel some kind of happiness when with him and maybe develop trust from this? Unfortunately it takes a lot to be happy… Or is that just me? It’s all so confusing. Good thing his friends caught on sooner or our relationship may not have ended on such good terms. Schoolies, later on. I got drunk, I got courageous, I got curious, I got encouraged by everyone around me. I was unaware of his thoughts on a certain subject (seriously, despite what he says). I fucked up. So call me ignorant, call me a sheep, call me an idiot, call me hypocritical, call me whatever, it won’t affect me, because by my standards I’m innocent. So I see that this relationship isn’t working out. So I do what’s best, I try to break it off before anything else (bad or good) can happen. That didn’t work. The truth: I lost my nerve. Contrary to popular belief, confrontation really isn’t my strong point (Hell, I went shaky and threw up after just even reading his “wake up call”). But this is all irrelevant. I believe that things that happen in the past should stay in the past. I believe that things which aren’t other people’s business should stay private. Oh well, I have stupid, radical, outrageous beliefs anyway. Why on Earth would you avoid an argument when you could publicly humiliate, anger, degrade and hurt someone? Whatever. Moral of the story: When he says “let’s be friends”, of course he doesn’t mean it. He just says it to make himself feel better. It’s just his first instinct.