For the longest time, all I wanted was to get out of my house and start a life with Kirk. Well, he never got a job or anything to make that possible. Now, I'm about 2 monthes pregnant, and he still doesn't have a job. So it crosses my mind that 'if he loves me then he'd really would want to be there and stop fucking around.' I hate the fake that I'm pregnant. I know that sounds so bad and disturbing, but I really will love my baby. i just feel like my whole life is over. I was going to college and doing something with myself. Now, I have to put that on hold. I even have to work overtime at Wal-Mart just so I can start saving money and getting shit together for the baby. Kirk is doing jack-shit. I wonder all the time if we're gonna make it through all this. I can't stand why he's not being a man. We were the most confused couple before and now we're bringing a baby into our mess. I won't deal with that at all. I see him like twice a week, because I'm always working and he's going whatever he does. I just wish he would be there for me instead of always being the one to get me upset and crying. I guess I shouldn't have said anything about Drama's situation, because now I'm in a similar one. Like today, he's crying and freaking out and being ignorant to me because he has the flu. Well, I'm sick like that ever god damned day and I still drag my ass to work for 9 hrs. a day puking, headache, sore tired body, but it's him so I'm suppose to feel bad. When he never rushed to take care of me. NEVER!!! I'm so scared and worried that I can't be excited about this baby. I never thought I'd be a single mom, but I guess no one does. This is the beginning of my distruction.