If you could look at my face, my emotions would be all over it. Kirk is attempting to be a good boyfriend/father now. He started coming around again when The baby was 4-5 monthes. I did it on my own before that, pregnancy and everything. It was hard. I was so not ready, but I did it because she was my responsibility. You couldn't imagine how much I dispized Kirk for being able to go out party, drink, fuck and not have a care in the world, while I was locked in the house taking care of OUR baby. He acted like he didn't even care about her at first and it sickens me to think he could be like that to his own flesh and blood. It made me sick to my stomach. Plus, all the build up of everything he put me through for two yrs. I finally convinced myself I didn't love him anymore. Then here he comes because he doesn't have anyone and he needs help. Now, he lives at my parents with me. He takes care of the baby ,works ,treats me a lot better, and no drinking and drugs. It's what I cried myself to sleep hoping and praying about for the past two yrs. Now, that I have it I'm as bitter as ever. I don't know if it's because he could have been like this all along and chose not to or what, but I'm still mad about everything and I still feel ruined. Maybe there's a part of me saying he'll go back to that life style after he gets ur trust and leave you more crushed then ever. He gets upset because he's really trying, but I'm protecting myself. I won't cry myself to sleep anymore.