everything is so messed up. my grandmother freaking hates me because i wouldnt carry up groceries to her house. i carried them all up by myself the last time she bought groceries and my sister layed on the freaking couch. but no, she didn't get yelled at. my parents hate me. im not allowed on the computer past 8 o clock. i cant be on the phone past 9. what the hell. they have no idea what i'm trying to deal with right now and this doesn't help at all. i can't take anymore of their shit. none of what i do is ever good enough for them. its fine if ariel gets b's in all her classes. she gets praised for getting 85s! but i get screamed at for getting the same exact average. and my computer time gets slashed in half. and im taking honors fucking classes ok? what the hell?!? i hate this freaking house. if i dont get out of it soon i swear im going to go insane. i cannot take this anymore... and then he tells me that he just wants to be friends. but what was everything all about? i mean yeah i was scared before, but now i'm ready to go for it. and i like him a lot and he says he likes me, but he wants to just be friends. i think hes scared like i was. i really really wish i could just tell him how much i care about him, and explain how i felt the same way a while ago but i got over it. i think we have something really good going and i dont want to lose it. that kid makes me feel so good about myself, and no guy has ever done that before. he's just so awesomely cool....i dont get guys sometimes. i seriously dont.... i feel so empty, and i dont care about anything anymore. the whole world just seems so stupid and i feel so worthless. its not a nice feeling at all... i wish i could just run away...im so sick of all this shit. i hate everything here and i hate this stupid house. so much...