i know i haven't updated in a while, but i dont really have anything to say. for the past week i've felt pretty empty and hollow. it's not fun at all. all that keeps running through my head are thoughts about what i screwed over and stuff...it really really hurts. i think i care so much because it wasn't an easy thing. like i wasn't ready to break it off (not like i usually am but...) i thought things were going really swell...and it just kind of hit me in the face so hard i can still feel it. everyday i just think about what happened and there's so much regret and insecurity building up right now. i just feel kind of ugly again...i felt beautiful for a while, knowing someone loved me, but now its all gone...and it really really sucks. badly. i don't regret any of it, but i just wish it could've gone a little bit further. and there totally would've been something..im sure of it. and i'm not sure of too many things lately...but he just made me feel so beautiful. and now i feel like i'm not good enough or something, because i guess i'm not. which is ok but it still kills so bad...idk its all weird now. and like i can tell hes withdrawing and stuff and i think hes annoyed with me a lot. idk i just feel really insecure lately. all ugly and annoying and stupid and like nothing i say matters and crap like that. im so stupid.. i guess i just feel kinda lonely, even though i'm surrounded by people 24/7...isnt that weird?