well, talking to sam makes it all make so much more sense. i thought he didn't like me anymore, or he liked someone else or something, but she is pretty sure he likes me. she said he's just scared to get into something, and that he doesn't want to hurt me. so he doesn't want to mess anything up. but i still feel like i lost him and that he doesn't care about me. i mean i can't help it. i finally find someone who's so awesome and might even like me, but even HE doesn't want to be with me. but then according to my other sources, he DOES want to be with me, he's just really afraid of hurting me. but i don't care about myself. i wish he would just see that. i don't care if he hurts me, i would let him. isn't it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all? at least thats what all the stupid iconator icons say..heehee... wouldn't it be better to try it and see what happened,and have had something? but it's not up to me. i've done all i can do and nothing's happening. but thats ok. i'm definately not ready to give this kid up, so i'm just gonna go with the flow for awhile. if he wants to move things on, he can. if he doesn't want to then i'll just stand back and keep my smile plastered on my face as usual! heehee... laughing about everything and acting hyper is the only way to make bad stuff go away, so that's what you have to do. i just wish he knew how much he meant to me and stuff. i want him to know that i don't want to hurt him, and that i don't care if he breaks my heart. well i do care but, oh well. life goes on! he's just so awesomely awesome. and i wish he knew that... and now on to this stupid english essay i have no idea how to do because ive been sleeping in that class for the past 2 days... BAD LLAMA!