well well . . . it's been a while. prom was a long time ago. well, not too long but man, i've already went to the second prom, done spring show, passed some major tests, got out of school, had some great times over summer, moved out, and now i'm stuck in my jailcell but that's okay. but still, that's been a while. well, i can't stay on too long so i won't get to everything but i will be back soon to fill everyone in. well, at the time i'm stuck in this house b/c i moved out and things have been rough but at least we'll be starting back to school here soon and i'll have something to do daily and i'll be able to drive my car so i'l be fine sooner or later. and besides feeling alone and being stuck in this house things have been alright. but like i said i can't talk any longer so i'm gonna go and i'll be back soon with all the details on everything. well, see you later then. *doodles*

hey hey ... what's going on? well, it's like 10:50 am right now and i'm kinda bored but i won't be before too much longer. tonight is troup's prom and i can't wait. it's gonna be so much fun... or at least the after party stuff will. :D LOL yeah, my dress is blue and sparkly and i'm going to curl my hair and i just hope it looks good. afterwords we're all going to hang out and probably hit up waffle house. LOL... and i'm staying with maggie so we'll be out and up all night. i hope it's lots fun. and even if it's not... at least it gets me out of the house instead of bored on a saturday night so i can't wait. i'll have to tell you later how things went. ...well, the rest of my spring break was pretty good. i was a little bored but for the most part it was fun. after six flags i went to town a few times and friday night i had a little party out at my house. troy, maggie, and jaret came over and we just hung out. we had a fire outside with some music going and we played hide n seek. it was pretty fun. and besides that i think that was it for me b/c everyone had to work and all that stuff so i was bored the rest of the weekend. but at lesat we had spring break and school's almost over now so were getting close. i can't wait to get out. i'm so tired of that school. the people just make me sick and i wish i was graduating this year but i have one more so maybe it will come and go quicker than i think. who knows. ... also, today's the 15th and its been a month since me and troy got back together. well really it has been longer than a month but we really got back together on the 15th so yeah. i'm feeling pretty good. i could be better but i do love troy and we've just got a lot to make right and work on so were coming along. and what better way to spend the night together than at the prom and after party :D i can't wait. well, i think that's it for me and i'll be back soon if i can and let you in on everything. talk to you later. wish me luck. buhbyes... i love you troy... HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! *doodles*

hey hey ! what's going on? not a whole lot here. i'm bored and tired and want to go to bed. i don't feel too good either. i'm kinda wore out from yesterday. we went to six flags and it was awesome. we got to ride the GOLIATH. it's the new ride that goes about 70 mph and we were in the very front row. it was awesome. it's like a big scream machine except faster. it was sweet though. i also did the bungie thing they have. that was cool too. i was kinda afraid i would fall out but i didn't. they have you held in pretty good so that great. and we got to ride all the other great rides too. the ninja was closed though b/c they're painting it. that sucked cuz we love that one but oh well. we'll go back soon i'm sure. but yeah i had fun yesterday. . . . today's been rather boring. sitting around, relaxing from yesterday. i want to go to bed but i fell alseep earlier and nowi can't get to sleep. and no one is on the computer and every one i called is asleep or busy so i'm bored. so that's why i'm on here. figured it'd give me something to do for a little while. well, i guess that's it. maybe i'll have more to say later. hopefully i'll have more to do over spring break and i'll have something then. well, i'm gonna go and maybe troy will talk ot me now if he's not to busy with his car or jaret. whatever he was doing. talk to you later. toodles *doodles*

hey everyone. what's going on? me, well, i'm sitting at the house bored on a sunday night. what fun huh. i've thought about getting in the car and just leaving. maybe going for a ride or whatever. actually i've thought about leaving for good. just packin up my stuff and hitting the rode. go stay with troy for a while just to get out of here. i don't know... . . . well, things have been pretty good since the last time i wrote. it's finally spring break. woohoo! i get to spend time with troy and throw a party hopefully. that would be great. anywho. me and troy have went out a few times since then. i can't remember if it was a friday we went out or that saturday. i think it was saturday b/c we went to columbus. oh yeah, that was the weekend before. we went out the next friday and did something. what was it... oh, we went applebee's and had dinner and went back to troy's for a while. watched a movie and baked cookies :D hehehe. and then i had to go home :( then, this past friday we went and looked at stuff for a tux and got tickets for six flags. woohoo! and we went and saw ice age 2. that was a funny movie. made me feel like a kid again. :D and then troy took me to burger king to play on the playground :D. that was fun too. loads! and yet again, then i had to go home... but, i didn't have a time to be home so that was awesome. everyone was in bed when i got home so i don't think it would have matter what time i came in. should have stayed out all night :D then, saturday night troy got off and come over to spend some time with me. we cleaned up his car... well, jessica did most of the work :P and we had dinner and went out about 8:30 so we didn't have to stay with my parents. we just road around. we crashed jaret and maggie's dinner. it was okay though. we had fun. and then we came back to my house and layed around until troy fell asleep and i had to wake him up and make him leave :( i didn't want to though. but that was my last 2 days and today i went to town with mom and we got some food. and i made mine and troy's flowers for prom and i played with my hair b/c i got some new hot curlers so that was fun. now i'm bored thought b/c it's 1:05 in the morning and i have nothing to do. my boyfriend's out right now. at least i think he's still out. probably. he slept a while after he got off work so he'll be up a while i'm sure. he was hanging out with john so who knows what he's doing. i hope he makes it home soon though so maybe i can talk to him and he needs more sleep b/c he's gotta work tomorrow and we're going shopping tomorrow and hanging out so he better get sleep and be ready for jessica. tomorrow's a big day so he better be ready. . . . well, beings i'm on the subject of troy, we're doing pretty good if you can't tell. i love him to death and things are slowly setting in and getting on a good foot agina but it will take a while longer before things are really there so i hope things get there. i just hope troy's serious and i guess he'll show me if he wants my trust and for me to believe him b/c it's really hard for me right now. he says he loves me and cares and i believe him b/c he doesn't just make up things as he goes but at the same time he said all these things before and he also left before so he's just gotta really show me. a matter a fact... over the past 2 days he's told me some pretty great stuff. and it's kinds funny but i guess it's a step in being serious about us and really showing me he wants to bw with me... but saturday her was talking baout me moving in with him this summer and all that stuff and today he told me that his mom wants me to come over and look at all the furniture so "we" can pick out everything we want in the house when i move in and we have the house to ourselves. i thought that was so funny. GREAT! but funny. his mom is so serious about us too. she's great. i love her to death too. she's like my other mom. probably will be one of these days :D well, that's about all of that and this is plenty long. plus, i'm getting tired and i need some sleep cuz i've got a denist appointment tomorrow :( no fun. well, i'll see you guys later. i love you troy... ALWAYS!!! toodles... *doodles*

hey hey everyone... what's going on? me, well nothing much. sitting here bored at the house. wish i could talk to troy but he's at work right now. by the way, were back together as of the 15th. i had a feeling he wanted to but i didn't know and we talked about some things and were back together so that's great. we went to columbus saturday and went to the mall and just hung out and stuff. went to his house and watched a movie and then he took me out to eat at pizzavilla. it was nice. he told me at dinner that he really loved me and it just took that time to see that he really loves me and there's no one out there who will really love him like i do and be there for him so i hope he's serious and really sticks to what he's said. he still has to show me and prove it so i guess i'll see. that's what he keeps saying so maybe there's some stuff he's got planned to show me. i don't know. he just needs to keep his head up and no matter how hard it gets just stick in there b/c you can make it through anything if you believe it so yeah... were back together and doing great so far. . . . well, i don't know what else to talk about. school is boring as usual and we've got tests all next week to take so i'm going to be missing more class time... yessss! not really, it's not fun b/c it's putting me behind in my classes so yeah... and i'm already just about making C's in all my classes except one so that's not good either. well, i think i'm done cuz i have nothing else to say so i'm gonna go and i'll be back later. i'm sure i'll have lots to say. :D okie dokie... i'll see you guys later. toodles... i love you troy . . . sooooooooooo much! *doodles*

hey hey... what's going on? me, well nothing much. bored here at the house. got on to check my mail but of course the computer won't work right. stupid thing. anyways... omg... i got my hair done today and i love it. i think it looks great. it makes me feel good too. i feel HOT!!! lol j/k. it does make me feel better about myself though. i finally saved the money to do something for myself and so i did. i got black & blonde hi-lights and with my hair a dirty blonde color it looks like i got brown put in it too. it's cool looking but anyways enough on my hair. humm... what else to talk about. i don't know. my life is boring there's not to much to talk about ya know. school was boring and long today. i took 2 tests today that are supposed to help me with the graduation tests next week so yeah it got me out of 2 classes so i guess it's okay. we've got another one tomorrow and one friday too i think : but anyways... i don't know what else to talk about... wow.. my tummy hurts : ekk. ... well, i guess another thing that's on my mind is troy... as always. i love troy so much. he means the world to me and i just want to be with him. i mean, i think were together but i don't know. we talk everyday and i see him when i can and we're working things out but it hasn't really been said that were together ya know. and i really want to talk to him about it but everytime i do i just kinda freeze up b/c i don't know... maybe i'm just afraid of the answer ya know cuz all i want is to be with him and i want to talk to him about everything but if i don't get the answer i want or think it is then i'll be hurt and i don't know... i just gotta do it or give it time so i guess i'll see cuz i'm supposed to talk to troy tonight and actually i said something to him today. i asked him what "we were" and he asked me what do i think we are and he never really answered but he acts like were together or wants us together so at least that's an up side. . . . troy if you're reading this just know that i do care. i want to be with and i will one fo these days... no matter what i have to do. and i really want to talk to you about everything b/c i don't like bottling it up inside but i just don't know... i want to be with you so bad and i want things to be great for us but i just hate to say the wrong thing or ask the wrong thing and it not be what i want to hear ya know. i want things to be right and you have to decide b/c you know i'm here and i'm willing to do whatever it takes to make things work and you just... you gotta help me and show me troy. you know the little things matter and the more you show the better it gets and i just . . . . . i need you so bad troy... you don't know how bad i'm hurting inside without you... i know you're here and i know you say you love me an miss me and need me too but you have to prove it troy okay... even if it's something small... it still counts. and if you want to know where to start it's with them cigaretts. i don't want to tell you what to do but i can't handle you smoking okay... so if you're really going to stop that's great but you said that last time so prove it. well, i'm gonna go and hopefully talk to you later tonight and get everything out there and i still gotta talk to mom about saturday. well, i love you so much baby... talk to you later. kisses (muah). see ya everyone... toodles *doodles*

what's going on? me, well i was trying to get on msn and check my mail but it's being gay or maybe it's just my computer who knows. they're both stupid anyways... yeah, it was back to school today after a very crazy weekend and of course it sucked. school suckks anyways as you can tell by my title. i'm just so tired of school. i wish i was graduating this year for so many reasons. i mean school sucks after we've been in it for so many years and ya know you've got even more if you go to college but i guess the up side to that is being out of your house like i want to be. that's my biggest thing right now. i want out. out of this stupid town, out of our stupid drama queen school, and out of my house. i gotta get out as soon as possible b/c i just can't take all this anymore. i'm tired of trying to please my parents, school is just stupid now, not to mention i have another year left :X, and i really want to be with troy and for things to be easier on us instead of how they've turned out. i really need to get me a job so i can get out of the house more and hopefully get some money saved up for some important stuff. i gotta get on that. . . . well, this was just a bunch of blab. i wasn't even getting on here but i figured i'd drop in anyways so i'll see you guys later. oh oh law & order SVU is coming on...LOL sorrie it's my show. probably a stupid rerun. oh well, see ya later.... i love you troy.... so much.... toodles *doodles*

hey everyone... what's going on? nothing much here just chillin at the house by my lonesome. well, not really... there's people here but they're asleep still and probably won't be up til after 12:00, maybe 1:00 but whatever. yeah i can't believe i'm up already. i'm not usually up this early but okay. yeah, i'm really gonna try to keep this thing updated. it's hard when you're busy and whatnot but i'm here now. ... well, i haven't been up to, too much since i last updated but some stuff has happened... hey hold on i gotta pee X LOL. okies... anyways back to my stuff. over the weekend i did something crazy... i was supposed to spend the night with a friend of mine but i went somewhere else and omg it was great. i don't even know how to put it in words b/c it was awesome, wonderful, just crazy! and i really want to do it again but i really gotta be careful with my parents and all so i gotta watch out. and i would tell everything but i don't need people getting on here and seeing all my stuff so yeah can't say too much. but it was great! LOL ... umm, on to something else... well, the whole point of this entry was to get something out there and maybe get some help... everyone who knows me or who reads or has read my diary knows that i am in love with troy. to me troy is the greatest person in the world and i want to spend the rest of my life with him. yeah, i'm 17, but i know it's there and yeah there's only a few people who can meet in high school and then be together for the rest of their lives but me and troy are one of those few. troy means the world to me and i don't know what i'd do without him and as you know recently he broke up with me in january. and i was heart broken and didn't understand and all that gravy. and even more recently we've been talking and going out here and there spending some time with each other. well, it's been great and i never want it to stop but i'm in this state where i'm stuck basically. of course i want to be with troy and he has said some things that are really sweet and could mean a lot... but that's the problem. i want to believe the things he has told me so bad and it's not that i don't believe him or trust him but i've got this part of troy in me that remembers everything we've been trhough and all that and how he's never lied to me or hurt me and things like this but then the other side is where he's broken up with me twice and broke my heart and everything went down the drain. and so everything he has said is being tossed between those two things and i know that troy doesn't do soemthing or say something and not mean it but it's so hard b/c he did break up with me and hurt me and he said he wouldn't do that so how am i supposed to believe what he's saying now. what if this happens again. i know i just have to get my stuff together and decide whether or not i can trust him but that's hard and it's even harder with the things he's said. i mean, when the love of your life breks up with you and then a month later says he misses you, he loves you still, he needs you, he wants this to work out, and that it's going to take some time for things to get right and for me to trust what he says... it'd be hard for you to decide all this too i think. and i just want to believe him so bad and i want things better and us together but he has to show me and prove to me that he cares and that he's in this relationship for good this time b/c you don't stay with someone for 2 an a half years and give them a ring and promise them forever and just end it for no reason... or you thought you had a reason but really didn't. so yeah, i'm kinda in a spot right now and i want things to work out and hopefully they will and i think it's just harder in the moment than when you're not cuz you can't see everything clearly. so, if anyone has an opinion or some input that they would like to share leave me a comment and i'll get back with you b/c i'd like to see what some others think about this. and feel free to ask any questions. . . . and troy if you're reading this i do love you and i do want things to work out and like i've told you i believe the things you have said b/c you don't say them for no reason but it's so hard to let them all in so really just show me how much you care. actions speak louder than words and the little things still mean the most so just remember that and know that i love you... always. and you know i'm sorrie for everything i've done and the fact that you were unhappy and i couldn't see it. and also, i'm sorrie i'm not old enough to just move out b/c i know things would be better if i didn't have all these problems with my parents. well, i love you so much kid... and i'll see you guys later. and troy if you want to say soemthing you can too. see you later... toodles everyone.. ×doodles×

hey everyone... yeah, i know it has been a while since i wrote... been kinda busy and whatnot. i'm still here though... hanging on and trying! yeah things have been kinda crazy. i've spent time with my friends and had a lot going on with school. me and my gurl maggie have had some fun times strolling lagrange, even thought this is a nowehere town but hey... it beats sitting at the house bored so ya know. and hopefully i've got some plans for this weekend too but i don't know yet. i've kinda been in some trouble here lately b/c i left the house when my mom said i couldn't and i tell ya it was worth it :-D but umm we haven't been getting along to well and so i was in trouble but things are going smooth now and just maybe i'll be able to get out this weekend. . . . yeah, school's been kinda crazy too. my grades are dropping like crazy but i'm trying so i don't know what else to do. we've got mid-terms this week and i've got the graduation test in a week an a half so i'm cramming for most of that. plus i've got chorus stuff to do b/c were getting ready for spring show so i've been pretty busy here lately and will be for a while. too, i'm looking for a job so i can get out of this house and so i don't have to listen to my parents saying that they don't have the money for gas so i'll fix that problem. . . . well, another thing that has been a come and go is me and troy. well, we've talked and hung out and stuff and we've had a few moments that were definitely something so taht was a great thing for me and were just kinda chillin. i know i care about him and i'm willing to do anything for him and he says he cares too but there's something there that i don't think he's saying or i'm not seeing but right now things are getting better and i hope they keep going. so at least i'm feeling better and i just hope he really knows what he wants so if you're reading this kid i love you so much and i'm willing to make this work and i hope you feel the some and we'll make it through this and show everyone what it's really about. ... well, that's about it for right now and i'll try to keep this thing updated so i'll see you around...toodles... ×doodles×

hey everyone... well, i'm back so i guess. i've been around but not up for much. yeah, i've been doing okay so i guess. since troy broke up with me i haven't been myself but then again i have i'm just not feeling the same ya know. i don't really want to go into the whole break up b/c it's not that big and i think troy just needs some time to his self to figure out what he wants and what he's doing and so i'm just giving him that time and i hope he decides what he wants. i love him to death and i miss him and want to be with him so bad but i can't make him love me and it hurts so bad but if he doesn't want to be with me then i can't make him ya know. he's gonna have to see on his own that he needs me and loves me and misses me and all that stuff and decide his self so yeah. and it's really hard not to call him and bug him and stuff but i'm trying and also, i mean, i usually talk to him everyday and see him at least once a week if not twice and it's hard to not do that too b/c i'm so used to it and he always asked how my day went and things like that. just took alot off my sholders and just helped me and now i can't get all that so that's hard too. but i'm doing okay and i'm trying to get through this the best i can but i really do hope he comes back to me and tells me how he feels and stuff so i guess i'll see. ya know though... i'm so scared on the inside b/c i hope it's not too late. i wish there was more i could do to make him see i'm the one and i'm special but there's just nothing i can do and i hate it. i'm just waiting for the day that he calls me and wants to talk about things or comes to my house and surprises me whether he wants to talk or go out or whatever or even surprise me at school or maybe find out what i'm doing on a certain day to surprise me... but ya know, i get to thinking about things and i get my hopes up so high and then they come crashing down and there i am left on my own. and i've probably got my hopes up to high right now b/c troy has already called me just to see how i was and the other day i ate at zaxby's which is where he works and we talked and joked around and he gave me a hug and kiss on the head and to me those things gave me hope and made me feel good b/c i know he's not over me and i know he doesn't just want to leave me hanging and on my own but it just hurts to not be able to be serious with him b/c that's what i want and i guess he doesn't. and i just don't want to get my hopes up on the things he does or says and then we're really over. well, i'm done blabing about my problems. i know there are others out there who have more problems than i do so i try not to complain too much. well, i hope i get everything fixed or worked out in my life and i hope everyone else is doing good too. i'll try and be back soon. ** i love you so much troy and i can't help myself. ×doodles×

hey.... well, not really. i'm back but i'm not. i've had a lot going on with school so i've been busy and stressed out over that so that's no fun. plus, right now i'm in this whole and it's really dark and cold and lonely and i can't get out. it's really scaring me and i don't know what to do. i don't really know what's going on either. i mean, i'm not exactly sure what to think b/c nothing has been said and no one has any clue what i'm talking about... lol. well, it's not fun at all. i'm stuck in this confused place b/c my bf is having some thoughts or trouble or something and he hasn't talk to me about it but i'm sure it's me. it's me, something i did or maybe didn't do i have no idea but he wants me to stop calling him and kinda just let him be until he wants to talk so i'm trying my best to leave him alone but it's really hard b/c i kinda depend on him for just about everything. i'm so used to being able to talk to him and him listen to me and just actually care compared to the other people around me so i'm so ready for him to talk to me whether it's bad or good, which i hope things will be okay but if they're not i guess this won't be the first time so i'm prepared... i guess. well, this isn't much and i'll try to get on more but our computer is messing up and i might not be here for a while... well, thank you for all the people who actually read these entries and leave comments and care so thanx. ×doodles×

hey hey everyone...it's me and yes wow i'm actually back. rather bored and tired at the moment but that's normal. yeah i had a good thanksgiving. i was stuffed and man was that food good. troy came over and had turkey day with us and we just layed around the rest of the day cuz we were stuffed lol. and i got to see him yesterday too. we went to town with my mom:-( i'm beginning to not like her... but anyways. we came home and went right back out. me and troy went and saw your, mine, and ours. it was funny. makes you never want to have that many kids tho... lol. i told troy i wanted 18 kids like that and he just laughed and said yeah right. oh, i forgot that we went and ate at zaxby's before we went to the movies but oh well. then we came back to my house and ate again lol and i made some fudge :-D mmmmmm...fudge... and then we watched the longest yard. it was funny too. so things are good with me and troy and yeah now i'm bored. i have some school work to do but i don't feel like doing it. it's stupid anyways... it's my break time, i mean come on, they really expect me to do school work.... right. well, i'm doing good and i'm bored so i'm gonna find something to do. i guess i'll go eat something and get fat and gain all my weight back :-D lovely. but anyways i'll be abck.... sorrie it's so boring and stupid...see ya....toodles ×doodles×

sugar were going down swinging... hey hey sorrie about that. yeah you can tell i'm doing so much better.:-D yeah, well i guess i better start with what happened with me and troy. well, that monday i went and saw troy at work after school and gave him a poem that i wrote and i was so nervous. i had butterflies in my stomach and i was shaking and yeah i was a wreak. but it was really good to see him. well, then i found out some stuff that happened at a party he went to and it wasn't good so i came home and was franticly calling some one that wes there and i heard someone pull up in the yard but i didn't think anything about it cuz i've been hoping troy would pull up and it's always a car going down the road so didn't think about it but i was like that sounded too close so i look ed outside and troy was sitting outside in the car and i asked my mom if she knew why he was here and she said no didn't know he was coming over. well, i found out he got off work early and decided to come over. he kept saying he was sorrie about everything and i wanted to be mad at him so bad but the only thing i could do was smile and cry b/c he was there in my yard and holding me. it was crazy. well, we talked about a lot and he took me out to dinner that night. pizzavilla, yummie. and he bought me a rose, long story there, and it was just great. we hung out at the mall for a bit and then we came back to my house and it was just great and now things are so much better. i feel that troy's changed a bit but not in a bad or drastic way but it's good. not only did he surprise me that night but then wednesday i went to see him at work and he left early again and so i rushed home to talk to him and what do you know he's sitting at my house again. i was like man, i like this. i had to go to a viewing for a friend of ours that passed away and he wanted to be there for me so i liked that. and then the rest of the week i saw him thursday cuz he was off, friday i was in town with some friends and then saturday he was off again so i spent the day at his house and in town and it was great. so yes things are better and i'm so happy now. and i really think that this may have been good for us cuz troy seems a little different and it makes us appreciate each other more and our time together too so it may not have been good a week ago but it is now. so that's all that... now on to other things at the moment... let's see, well like i said a friend of mine has passed away. my buddy nate is back home from south dakota. he came back just the other day so that's great. i've missed him a good bit. umm, my aunt has been having trouble with her health and she just had her surgery yesterday and it's not cancer thank god, it was only a syst and they didn't have to take out to much so things are good there... sucks tho cuz she's gonna be in the hospital through thanksgiving but at least she's not gonna be sick anymore so i guess it's worth it. wow, i just opened a pickle jar for my mom, anyways. well, i've had quite a few surprises, good and bad, the past week so yeah but i'm good now. i'm just so happy that things are back to normal with me and troy and i hope it stays this way and it doesn't happen again even with the college stuff. well, that's enough for now and i'm on thanksgiving break so i'll be back and i'm sure i'll have something to write about and if i'm not back tomorrow *HAPPY THANKSGIVING* to everyone. well, i'm gonna go gotta help mom fix some stuff for thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. :-D see yous guys later... toodles *doodles*

hey lonely diary, i sure know how you're feeling... i left you for like 7 months now but i'm back. how long, i'm not quite sure but i'm back. a lot has happened obviously or i'd a been back before now huh. well, yes lots has happened but that's not what i'm here to talk about right now. ...just the other day something really shocking happened and for me it seems like the end of the world and people say i'm over doing it but to me and in my world it is the end. well, my boyfriend troy broke up with me wednesday and i really don't understand why. we've talked breifly and not about to much so i'm still lingering here on the edge of the cliff. i just don't know what to do. i love troy so much and i need him so bad. we've been together for 2 years and 4 months and he needs a break... it's shocking. we've made it through plenty of things before. some good and bad and i'm really hoping i make it through this with him b/c i do i love troy more than anything in the world and if it wasn't for him i probably wouldn't be here right now. but i truely do love troy and i just want to talk to him and work things out. we can talk to each other baout anything so why didn't he come to me about this. i beginning to think it's me but he said it wasn't so is that the truth. i just want to know what the problem is so i can get this all fixed and over with and move on in my life with troy by my side, that's all i want. i want him to say he's sorrie and that he does care for me and that he's just been stressed and neede some time to think things over and just come back to me and give me all the love he has but i don't know if that's what he's feeling and going to do. and i mean, i've been grounded for the past month so maybe that had part in this. being away from me tore him up inside a bit or maybe i did do something i don't really know. i just know that i do love troy with all my heart and all i'm doing is crying my eyes out every day and night waiting and hoping the phone will ring and he'll want me but i guess i can only wait and see what he decides. i just hope he wouldn't want to throw away so much time and fun and just all the memories and things we've shared. i just know that at least he can't say i don't love him and don't want to be with him b/c i want that more than anything in this world and i'm willing to do whatever it takes to get him to see that and to get him back to me... well, i don't exactly know what else to say. i just keep repeating the same things over and that's b/c i mean them and all this fixed but i must wait... he wants his time and space to think about things or set stuff right well i need to give it to him whether it helps me or not so i hope he's making the right choice and i really hope he loves me and cares for me as much as i do him. and i know i'm missing him more and more and more each day, hour, minute, and second of everyday and i just want to know that he feels the same. ... i know my love is true and pure but does he feel the same... that's the question that goes unanswered here... and when shall i know the truth... ×dying out slowly, like the flame from the candle that once glowed so brighty× *i love troy*

yup yup that's me hyperactive as can be! wow i just rhymed... go jessica. well anywho, yeah i'm actually still here. i didn't go anywhere just yet. things have been going pretty good i guess you could say.prom was very awesome and i enjoyed myself so much and then now spring break as come and gone already and that first weekend troy stayed the night friday and we went and saw the ring 2. it was pretty good i guess not great but definetly weird. then we just hung out at my house all night and saturday too. i'm not sure what happened sunday... probably just layed around again... laziness is addicting. then monday i had a denist appointment and they numbed my mouth. i was talking all funny and everyone was making fun of me and yeah it was crazy. i got to see my troy that day too. we were with my mom helping her paint this house and we went down to the lake and messed around and i had fun. then tuesday we painted again... it was really late too. we didn't leave the house til 9:00 or so and i got home late and i was tired and hadn't got to talk to my troy and yeah that's not pretty at all...lol :-D but then wednesday and thursday i saw troy and we either hung out here at my house or we were in town most of the time. then friday i went to the fernbank in atlanta to see some frogs from all over america. yeah i love frogs... i think they're cute! but anyways i saw a bug movie and some dinosaurs(they weren't real tho) and we walked around and that part of atlanta was very pretty. lots of trees and flowers and yeah. then saturday i was at the house all day and i just layed around and well actually that's the day i cleaned like crazy. cuz after about 4:00 mama was home and we went out to eat at pizzavilla with troy. then we went to town and he came out to my house for a while. then i was going to get to see him sunday too before we went back to school but his mom was being all mean about it and can't remember what we said but ya know so i didn't get to see him. so now it's been 5 whole days since i've seen him.... and that's crazy... well for me it is b/c i've been spoiled to seeing my troy and now were back to school and i'll only get to see him on the weekends if that just depending on my parents and him getting a way over here but yeah i'm spoiled and it sucks. summer just needs to get here like fast. well i know this thing and pretty long and i should probably go. i mean there's not really anymore to tell i don't guess. nothing new with school and everything else well it doesn't matter. but yeah school is boring and almost over and everything else well it's just life. me and my baby are great!!! things are wonderful for us and tomorrow is a year and 9 months and were going strong. i love him so much and were just great. laughing and talking like always. and hopefully i will get to see him this weekend cuz it's killing me. well i need to go and i'll write when i get a chance... talk to you guys later... i love you baby... toodles... *doodles* (or so troy says "sexy chick")

OMG........ hey hey everyone. man have i got omse stuff to tell you about. i just had the best weekend in my whole life and i really mean it. this weekend was prom and man did i have the best time. it was so awesome. i felt great and looked great and it was just great...lol. troy came and got me at 4:00 and we took pictures here and at my neighbors. then we met up with our friends at the new community church and took lots of pictures. then we went to pizzavilla for dinner and had some alone time. after that we met up with everyone again and went to walmart to get some party stuff. then we went to higher groundz and met up with some more people and took even more pictures. then we went to the mall for a bit and headed to prom. we got there and went in and hung around for a while and then it was time. we walked in and down the red carpet we went. we danced and talked and i had a wonderful time. then around 10:00 we got ready to leave and met up with everyone so we could come back to my house for a party. and really the rain ruined it but there wasn't anything i could do about it. we were gonna have a fire and music and chill outside all night but that didn't work out cuz of the rain but we still had a great time. after we got straight who all was going to stay we sat inside and the guys played cards. we had pizza and junk food and played borad games all night. troy, eric, and alex stayed the night and we had a great time. i got to spend lots of time with troy and that made me so happy. we were up all night and i mean all night. we finally went to bed about 8:00 sunday morning and got back up at like 10:45 so we really didn't get much sleep and then alex and eric left and me and troy got up and got showers and ate some pancakes. :-D boy were they good. then we went to alabama to visit a friend of ours in the hospital. then it was raining really bad and troy had to leave at 3:00 so that sucked but i got to spend all night saturday and just about all day sunday so that was wonderful. and prom was just the thing i needed to pick me up and troy helped with that alot too. if i could i'd go back and do this weekend over and over again b/c it was so wonderful. i really enjoyed myself and there's nothing i would change and i mean it babes... and i mean nothing... well, i really had a blast and just thought i'd share with everyone. and i can't wait to get my pictures back either. well, i better go and i'll be back later with all the other stuff going on... and babes... i really did have the time of my life saturday and i already can't wait to go next year and have a blast again. we'll dance and have a party and it will be so wonderful just like this time. and really babes, i don't regret anything and i mean that and i love you so much and i really enjoyed myself and i want you to know that. well i need to go and i'll talk with you all later or tomorrow. i love you baby... so much. thanx for my wonderful weekend and i'm glad i left you speechless... i tried my hardest... buhbyes everyone...

hey hey everyone! hows it going. me, well, absolutely great here. i had the best weekend i've had in forever. first of all friday i went to school and all and i was hyper and whatnot and having a good time and then friday night i went out to eat at pizzavilla, hung out at the mall for a bit, went to the movies and saw "cursed", and then went to DQ for some ice cream. it was so wonderful. i actually got to go out without mom and dad. it was so great. i enjoyed every minute of it and then troy got to stay at the house for an hour so that was great too. then saturday i just layed around the house and enjoyed myself. talked to troy a bit layed out and was just lazy all day. then today i was gonna get troy to go with us to columbus but he had some trouble with his truck so that didn't work out. so we went to columbus without him and i got me jewlery for prom and some more braclets. then we came back home and headed to wally world and troy met us there and he get to see me for a bit. we messed around with the easter stuff and talked and then troy gave me a teddy bear. he says it was supposed to be for valentines day but i don't know. he may have just got it to get it so who knows. but yeah my weekend has been pretty good. i did everything except what i was supposed to do... lol. i've got some work i should have done but oh well what's it matter i'll finish it in class tomorrow or something. oh yeah, i also heard from my friend kevin. he just moved back to nevada and he got on last night so it was good to hear from him and see how he was doing. things are definetly different over there. school starts at 7:30 and gets out at 2:00 and they get to go to school from 9:00 to 2:00 every other friday. it's weird. but it was good to hear from him. then, i've got all these plans made out for prom and i just can't wait. now lilly's going with eric to prom and we're gonna have a blast so i can't wait. well, i should go so the parents don't fuss. mom needs the phone and i'll be back later to let you know more about everything. talk to you guys later..... and thanx a bunches my sexy fat kid for my night out and my teddy bear. i named her rosie and she has pretty eyes.... well, see you guys... i love you my crazy wonderful loving sexy fat kid..... toodles.. ×duck×

Hey baby, Well as you know i am sitting right here beside you:P I would ask what your doing but i think i know:) I am glad your mom let me come over to see you:) Being able to actually get to see you helps out alot on the situations were both going through. As for everyone else if you cant tell by now this is Troy. I am glad you wantto go to prom now, i know we will ahve fun. Also im glad that things are getting better between us:) Well im gonna go now. I love you baby. -Troy

hey hey everyone. don't really have much to say today but i am doing a bit better... not a whole lot but at least i'm hyper and bouncy right now ya know. well, things are still crap here so nothing new there and tomorrow i'm supposed to see my baby :-D yippie skippie. i can't wait to see his face again and hear his wonderful sexy voice and just let him hold me... oh i can't wait. but anyways... ×××××-- HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAGGIE --××××× that's my dearest friend mags. her birthday is today and i wrote her a poem. it was funny and cheesy but that's alright she loved it and that's great. it was the best poem she had ever gotten so it was great. here i'll give you some lines from it... ××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××× ROSES ARE RED BIRTHDAYS ARE GREAT B/C THEY HAVE LOTS OF CAKE. ××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××× LOL now wasn't that funny, oh well, if you don't think it was then poo on you mags loved it. well, nothing else to say i guess so i better go before the parents start bitching so be back with more later... cuz have i got some stuff to talk about...hehehe :-D well i'm gone. see you guys laterz... toodles... jessica (the sneaky one) LOL yes still hyper

well, i haven't been around in a while b/c i've been having some trouble at the house and in my life right now. i mean, things are pretty bad right now. the other weekend my mom lost control of herself but i won't go into to much detail on that one. not everyone needs to know all that but it's been hard with her and now she's sucking up to me with all this i love you crap and the other day she told me she wanted to apologize for what happened but she can't if she doesn't know what happened so everything that went down she doesn't even remember... yeah that's great mother... i love you too...right. but things with my dad are the same. we get along and we don't. but now i can't use the phone or go anywhere or see anybody and not my b/f either. i'm surprised i can even go to school. oh, i can't go outside by myself either b/c they think i'll run away... isn't that something...lol ....well, things with my b/f. umm, i guess things are alright. i mean, i feel fine about us and getting to talk to him the other day and today was good for me and we just got done fussing with each other when all this happened so we didn't really agree on things but i mean, with us being apart and not talking we've forgotten about all the crap we were fussing about. i mean. it doesn't matter compared to the stuff now. i just care about getting to see him or talk to him right now so i'm feeling fine about us. i just want him to know i'm here and that i need him now more than ever and i only want him... we might be apart but were connected in so many ways. and i just love him so much and i never wanna be without him. yup yup, that's pretty much it for me. stuck in the hell hole here with the devil and his wife...lol sorrie. oh yeah, dad's still jobless so if he doesn't fine something soon we'll lose the van and our house so i'm just waiting on that one. it a give me an excuse to leave the house ans get away from them and then maybe i'll be able to call my baby and possibly see him a couple times or something. i'm just waiting on it tho. well, i should probably go so i don't get in trouble and maybe i'll be back to let you know something. well, hope everyone's doing better than me. talk at ya later. love ya baby, thinking about you like crazy... bye.... ¤lost & broken¤