yeah it's me again...i mean this is my diary so why wouldn't it be me. well i am kinda not myself so that might explain it but anywho. yeah i skipped school today. i wasn't really sick but i didn't feel good either so i just stayed out. not like i missed anythig anyway. i've got easy classes and they're very boring so what's the point in going ya know.... i know b/c it's the law. well, even the law needs a break and so did i so i stayed out but anyways... hows it going with everyone....well i don't really know everyone so i might not want to ask. hows it going diary. don't you get bored beings you're all alone and have no one to talk to or nothing to do but sit here every day waiting for me to get on and write something and then not come back for some days...doesn't that get really boring and lonely? i'm sure it does...yeah you can tell i'm pretty boring myself beings i'm talking to my diary which isn't a real thing or alive anyway....that's alright i gave it that p word or whatever...personification or something like that. but anywho. yeah i guess i'm okies not really but i can say that if i want to. i'm just sitting here listening to the radio and yeah wow that's it...oh so wonderful huh. my stomach's killing me and i have a head ache so that's not good either and our kitty cat sherlock just got scared by some big dogs so he's all skiddish now. anyways. what to talk about now? umm help me out here... well fine then i'll think of something on my own... well i'm in a really talkative mood so lets find something to talk about... i'd talk about myself but that can get boring and i don't want anything my boring than it is now so not me umm... well i think i'll talk about something i wrote yesterday or the day before that which ever it doesn't really matter. umm, i'm not sure if any of you remember but i'm sure you could look and really it's not like anyone reads this anyway so what's it matter. well in my entry before this one...i wrote some stuff about my baby... and yeah i meant everything i said and talked about especially the stuff about being scared b/c of what happened last time but... i think i was using all that to cover up my true feelings. i'm scared of my own self giving up... b/c i can't handle that and things will be even worse than they are now. i just can't take all this anymore...or i don't want to anyway. i'm dealing with it but i'm just afriad i'm not gonna be able to. i love troy sooooooooooooo much and care about him with everything i have and i just can't lose him and no i don't want to give up on us it's just really hard not seeing each other and not getting to talk to each other all the time. especially now with everything going on at my house ..i mean it was already hard not getting to see each other when we could talk and now we can hardly do that and i just can't all this and it's not just the stuff with troy... i've got so much stress it's not even funny and i have no one here to help me... i have troy but at the same time i don't... he used to be able to talk to me and hold me and tell me things are gonna be okay and he'd play with my hair or hold my hand or just kiss me on my cheek or forehead and just smile the biggest smile and tell me he loved me...well he can't do that anymore so how am i gonna know it's gonna be okay... i can't touch him or feel him or kiss him or see him or show him how much i care and hardly talk to him. how am i gonna make it... i just hope valentines day is one hell of a day b/c... well it's gonna be on a monday so it might not be all that great...since i'll have to go to school and all but i hope it's special or troy does something special cuz if not then that will be another thing ruioned and that will just make things worse being it is supposed to be the day of love... i just need him so bad and i can't even have him......see, i can't even talk to him............he's gone now... i need to go...i'll be back sometime later...maybe...bye.......................