another long boring entry; sorry im feeling so annalytical/introspective.but it really helps to write it out and know people can read it, its catharitic. --- i feel so weird lately..just kind of empty and alone.i go in circles.nothing i do has any meaning.very i feel very holden caufield in catcher in the rye. theres so much hypocrisy and bullshit in the world. i want to be real and surround myself with real people. im bored and apathetic. i don't know. it's like im waiting for something but i dont know what. i mean maybe itd be nice to have a boyfriend for once.someone just to always be there for me.but then i dont want to be someone who was has to be in arelationship to feel complete. i think you have to be with yourself before you can be happy with someone else. and its easy to think having someone would make it better but in reality, iknow it probably wouldn't change anything. this is probably just a phases. just a period of restlessness(is that a real world?) i really feel hollow and almost numb.like i said i have no direction so i keep going in circles.just all this meaningless bullshit over and over again. i hate to say it but maybe going back to school will be good for me.there will be less time to just sit around making these trite obersvations. i will atleast have some direction and focus too. i need structure and supervision to function well. ha.i complain alot..i should just suck it up..but hey this is my diary ill bitch and whine if i want to. and my diary has become too emo,with the hand drawn stars, self in-dulgent ramblings like this and bright eyes refrences,but i dont feel like fixing it.thats slightly redundant..the whole concept of an online diary is oh so emo. i hate that word emo. makes me sound like a douche. if you read this whole thing youre amazing and less ADD than me.(youre even more amazing if you know the song the title refers too) i have to go. tbs is on jimmy kimmel tonight. i cant decide if i like the new cd yet.its different.ha. im done boring you. i swear. ♥