ha discombobulated. Life. Officially. Sucks. A. Big. One. All I have to say is thank god for Warped Tour and music because without them I would be dead. Seriously. I'd have no reason to live. You know since my lifes such a bed of roses. Just like my middle name! Wow. Maybe it's named after the roses that will be laid on my casket when I'm gone, but HEY. Who knows. "Baby, the blood's already been spilled. And no amount of crying will wash the red From your guilty hands..." This week has been the worst week of my life. Everything that can go wrong has. And everybody got hooked up. Lyndsey, Dev, Emilie, and Jenn are amoung the recent ones. Yeah... I'm gonna be alone for the rest of my life at Elk Lake. I've come to that realization. I'll have to wait till college when I go to Oklahoma University and marry a bigger hick than I am, or Jersey and marry an asshole as my dad says. I don't care if hes an asshole or a hick, as long as he actually likes me. Loves me? God that'd be nice, too. I need serious CDs for Warped. I have a list. It's bad. And I only have $80 RIGHT NOW. And I think I can POSSIBLY earn $30 more from Desirae. so thats $110. Plus the TICKET for Warped, so I have like, $77 and some odd cents when its all over. Shista. HOW CAN I SURVIVE. I'm trying to earn money from the mom though, she loves me, she'll hook a sister up.. daughter? up :) "Believe me when I say that I love you, angel. But accidents will happen. ...And they do. Hey honey, Hold my hand and hope for heaven. Because I just can't help myself Even angels end up burned and buried in my backyard And you, you're just like everyone else..." I'm writing songs and poems like crazy. Seriously. I don't know why, it just helps me say what I'm feeling. I dont think they're good, AT ALL, but at least they have honesty and emotion behind them. Oh, is there emotion behind them. Helps because the only time I can right anything even semi-DECENT is when I'm crying or surriously emotionally distraught. Yeah... during the tood gimes. "My conscience drifts and sleeps in shifts Trading off between my open hand and swinging fists And this alcohol, my wrecking ball, Keeps me talking to the angels buried in these walls. But contrary to counter-culture, I dont care if the killing stops. Or if suffocation claims my lungs. We walk a nightmare line. Wide awake and dead at the same time..." I've come to another realization, that people read my diary that I dont even know about. I mean, at least you people could leave a COMMENT and let me know you read my thoughts and what-not. Better than seeing whats inside my mind and just pretending like you don't know. THESE ARE IMPORTANT THOUGHTS UP IN HERE! "Maybe tomorrow we'll wake up in time To stop this double suicide Through kisses laced with cyanide And one last look through blood-shot eyes... I guess this is what they call 'Killing yourself in small doses'" Lyndseys avioiding me. Intentionally or unintentionally, I'm not sure, but she is. All she does is hang out with Dev. I dont know if I'm not good enough, or if she thinks that shes not good enough, or if maybe she thinks that I take her for granted and Dev On doesnt? I mean, I'm glad that shes friends with Dev and all. I just wish she didn't have to get rid of me all the time, considering I dont seem to have all that many friends who are TRUELY there for me anymore... and it definatley sucks. At least Katerina was here for me today so we could pick on Kevin Lyttle together -) PacWoman1R3J1E7: and that REALLY pisses me off. Katherine0697: I'm sorry Kayla. I wish soo much that I could help you out, but I just don't know what to say except that no matter what I'll always be here for you and I'll always love you. :-) Theres a good friend at least. xDesiree Nicolex: I love you Kayla ohh soo much :-* Oh look another one :) I love you so much Desiree. You're the only friend I've ever had that I've never fought with... and you have no clue how much you mean to me babe. I love you, my Nanny though I have no children *winks* SO. I got a free issue of Blender in the mail today, and there was an X Games ad in it with a picture of TRAVIS. Made my day. OH, and today was Warped day, and on top of that, KENNY HOSTED AHHHHHH I love the Kenny. He was so hysterical. I like, died. And he still has his hair brown, kudos, I just wish he'd style it like he did in the good days. I dont care if he got a Michael Jackson nose, I'd still love him :) I wish I could see him at Warped, but alas, no :( TSL and TEN aren't playing Hershey. A bunch of my other bands are though, which freakin owns, and I can't wait :) Plus I get to spend it with some of my best friends, which will make it even better. I love those guys -) Man. I have to wash my face. I feel oily, damn it. "I've got a broken back sense of morality It crashes with your blood lust sentimentality She said 'It's wrong, but OH, we need it' As she sits waiting up for me. But I'm not coming home. I've driven seven nights of distance, And the dialtone on the end of this reciever Is whats REALLY wrong with me. One day dear, I'll be crawling through The front door just to fall into An empty room with a ruined view. I'm doing this for you... There was something in the way you turned and looked at me I started panicking Until your heartbeat stops Until your body drops That will always be my favorite memory of you and me And I'd give anything to know The reasons behind the wreckage I ruined everything for you. I rUiNeD eVeRyThInG fOr YoU..." Well, I have a new Sugarcult album from Max thats calling for me to learn the lyrics :) I'll write back later I guess, when I have more to talk about. I love you all. Leave a comment. A nice one, preferablly. But anything at all would make me feel special. P.S. The greatest lovers were murderers first ((Thought that was appropriate))