I don't know where to start or where to begin. I just want to go on a rant about every little thing, and every little thought I am thinking. You know what I find amusing? comparing the past to the present. Maybe it's a waste of time, but that's what I need. Something to make the time past by. I'm feeling a little "out of order". I just don't feel right. I usually just solve this feeling with obssevily cleaning my room. In fact, after I do this rant, I'm going to clean my room. It always brings a smirk to my face when I think about this. My room can always be a complete mess, and I'll be fine, but If my cds and books are out of alphabetical order it irritates me so much. In the past couples days I've began writing an apology. I think about what happened and I want closure, but all I can think about is this person reading this letter I spilled my heart and deepest truths in, and rolling her eyes. There's this necklace around my neck. I got it from my friend a couple of years ago. It's beautiful, but it almost makes me ashamed to wear it. When she bought it for me, we were together picking it out, and I wanted this one necklace but she wouldn't buy it for me because she was afraid I'd hurt myself with it. It was just a vague comment, and it makes me feel ashamed that a couple years ago I couldn't even get a bracelet I wanted because my friend's were too concerned that I was going to hurt myself with it. I'm so glad I'm not at that point anymore. I find it amazing coming back to this diary, and still writing in it. I started this before I went through that phase, and I'm still here afterwards. Have you ever thought that people intentionally hurt themselves just for conversation? I feel like that all the time. Maybe I'm too quick to judge, but It feels like all these people are putting themselves through this "pain" just so in the end they can say they did something. Maybe It seems like that because some people just admit shit they think is "painful" out of the blue. I'm open about some stuff, but I'm not screaming out who broke my heart and blah de blah to every person I meet. Also what I can not stand is when people get upset when people say "I don't want people to know" but yet they go and tell every person they meet. Yesterday was an ultra lovely day. Everything just seemed to fit into place perfectly and it continued that way. I've been getting horrible sleep lately. I hate it when people go in the outdoor. I really can't stand it. I don't think anyone is aware of how much it annoys me. enough ranting for now I must say. have a happy wednesday everyone :)