For once in my life, I will no longer hold myself responsible for these things that are out of my control. All I can feel is distance from so many people, and this I do hold myself responsible for, but I don't even feel guilty about it. It is not my fault for their lack of dedication, and their lack of honesty. I am not in middle school anymore, nor do I want to feel like I am. If I must be honest, I feel as if I can not act like people my age do. I won't allow myself to I can't. and I've never realized it until recently. I've always felt like I've had to take care of my family and my house. My mother makes dinner, and that's just about it. The other night, I had to be the designated driver, and I find that ridiculous considering that I can not even legally drive past 9 pm. but I do. I'm not regretful of it; I would be regretful if I let my mom become a drunk on the news with the picture of her smashed car or a picture of the children she killed in a drunk driving car crash. I feel as if I have to mother my mother, and I do not feel like I am good enough. I ask her how her day was, if I can help her, and i ask her if she's okay, but regardless of what I do, she still drinks, and I k now now that I can not hold myself accountable for her addiction. I've been enjoying my independence lately. I walk around, and for once I'm not one of those girls who has to be with someone. I'm running for class president next year, and amazingly, some of my friends who really "care" about me, didn't care to know. I've been walking around, talking to people, smiling, and feeling proud of myself. For once, I don't need anyone. I don't need my friends, and I don't need to pretend. For once, I have accepted that I've been appeasing my values and self respect for people who just wanted me as another person on their list of friends.