There's this lie I kept telling myself. It's this lie that gives me false hope. It's that lie that when I wake up it's what keeps me going on and that gets me up in the morning. I keep telling myself that things are going to get worse before they get better. I know things aren't just going to magically be great, and I understand that life is going to be hard at times, but I'm just eager to wake up and see some change. I'm eager to wake up and see people change. It's just everytime I see someone's face all I am reminded of is the disappointment, and every word someone speaks brings even more disappointed. Every action someone makes disappoints me more. It's not their fault, I'm just tired of people told that people love me, I'm sick of hearing that people are there for me. I'm tired of love and support. I am nothing without them, and not much with them. It scares me. It scares me that I can't trust people, and It scares me how I feel. It scares me that I'm so overwealmed over nothing. It's such an odd thing. If someone asked me what is wrong, I couldn't tell them, I don't know what is wrong, I don't know what is making me feel this way. It's not a feeling of depression. I am certain of that because I've felt it before and I've moved on from the point in my life. It's just this feeling of unstablity, this constant feeling of anxiety. I am worried but proud of my decision today. I told my dad that I wanted the new year to bring change, positive change. I explained to him that I've tried to change, but I don't think I can change by myself. I asked him to send me somewhere with someone I can talk to and who can show me the way to change. I think I'm day from going crazy to be honest. We're tight on money so I told my dad I could wait if we needed to. I don't know if I'm going to be ignored again, but I might have to make another plea to get help. Lately I've been listening to Death Cab for Cutie and Paula Cole. I just lay there and I listen to the music, hoping it would bring the fury out of me. I don't know if it does or if it doesn't. Paula Cole's music just reminds me a girl with her angry held up inside for a long time, and she just wants to scream and let everything go, and I think that's how I feel. I think any day soon I'm just going to snap, and I'm just scared of how i'm going to be. I am terrified.