...that never learns to live" Well everything is still going really well. I got a little nervous becuase of a thing we had to do but it's under control now. I have micro-orginized (in my own way) and I know it's gonna work out. I feel inspiried again though. Like I rerealized just how much I like helping people and how I really do wanna try to for the rest of my life. I mean so many people need help and I'm so much betetr off then others. When I'm here at school helping it's a bit easer to remember that yah I bearly have the money to spend to go to school here but at least I've been able to get this far. So many people don't even have the money to learn how to read and write. I can't imagin not having that oportunity, ya know? Then when I sit down and am like "Oh I'm not going to be making enough for me to buy all this shit and eat out or or eat like meat at dinner every night" and it's like some people would kill to just have Mac and Cheese for dinner. It makes you think. It makes me think. I've been thinking about service trips lately. I've always wanted to do one. I never got the chance before and now I have some. I mean it's going to cost between 100-250 dollors but still, it's such an amazing experince and thats what I'd pay for Gettysburge anyway. There's a problem though, every single trip that I was looking at askes me to step out of some comfort zone. For the Appalachain project I'd be helping to build houses and I've never done something like that. I mean I know they'll teach us but I think I might kill anythign I try to build. I'm seriously stupid with that kind of stuff. Gimme A Break really apeals to me becuase the one part is working with poor and at-risk children, which could be upseting but I'd like to try but the other part is working at the place which is kinda like a soup-kitchen I guess by painting or feeding people or helping with people with HIV/AIDS. Now I'm not going to lie, the last part makes me nervous. Not that I'm going to catch anything but becuase they're sick and what is someone is really sick and LOOKS really sick. I don't do well with that. I just don't. It's too hard. I can't even take hospitals. And yet part of me feels like I really should do it. I'm the vice president of ALLY, I'm a member of Amnisty International and I'm a concerned young women. I should really do soemthign where I come face to face with HIV/AIDS and really help and not just buy raising awarness/money. I'd like to think that I'm the kind of person who could gte over her fear of hospitals and seeing people suffering from being sick to help them but in my heart of hearts right now I'm not sure. That thought really upsets me. I'm not sure if I'm strong enough, if I'm as strong as I want to be and as strong as I think I SHOULD be. That knowlege makes me sad. I would also like the Navajo Reservation but I think we may have to camp and I've never been camping. LOL. Thats a stupid fear really. I dunno. I have time to I think I'm just gonna have to talk to people and pray about it. We took the Myers/Briggs test today...yah I'm a ESTJ...meaning I'm "practical, realaistic, matter-of-fact. Decisive." person who likes to "Orginize projects and people to gte things done, focus on getting the best results in the most efficant way pissible. Take care of routeen details. Have a clear set of logical standards, systematically follow them and want others to also. Forceful in implementing their plans." Well don't I just sound like and OCD bitch? LOL. I was moderate in most of my raw scores though. I dunno though. I just feel a bit better, dispite the unsure feelings I have about myself now. It's kinda nice to be able to be religous and not have people judge you for it, ya know. I mean like I can sit here and speak more freely about it and it's kinda a comfort. Like I don't wanna talk about my religion ALL the time but it's nice to be with a bunch of people and start with a prayer or somethign like that or to have people who believ e the same thing as you every now and then. I mean I love learning about new religions and hearing about my friends' beliefes but sometimes it's just nice to be like "Yah I'm a Catholic who beleives this and I feel this way and yah praying makes me feel a hell of a lot better." Tomorrow I get to sleep in a bit but I have to get Christina's stuff for the dinner at 5 of 9 A.M. and I have to call the Counciling center to talk about my appointments and then down to good old CM to wokr on a project a bit. Then I'll be free till 1 though. Whoot. Then 1-3 I have OA training sessions. 3-4 CM MADW training session. 5:30-? is the OA apprication dinner at Abba Maria's Restaurant. Whee. I get to dress up a bit. lol. Shit I have to iron. arg. I'll do it later. Damn wrinkled shirts. lol. Maybe the pink one won't be TOO bad. Ok kids. I'm done for the night! XOXO Prongs