Just a quick update to say that nothing has gotten better so far today. I got a medicore grade in Soc and that seems to be my life thus far. I'm just medicore. I'm not outstanding or fantastic at anything, or so it seems. I always have to work so hard to reach medicore. It really makes me mad and makes me worry about my futcure.I don't know what I'll be able to do or if I'll even be able to get a job in what I want becuase I just keep working so hard and it's just never enough for everyone. Ok some people yes but other people no. They fucking lie to me. They say they need me. That they want my fucking help and then they don't even fucking talk to me. They bitch out my roomates. They accuse us of shit we never did. They try to take over our lives. We offered this person something very precious to us...the little free time we have and they've stomped on it and are taking us for granted. Every waking moment not devotyed to classes is now all about this person. It's fucking exhusting. It's draining the life out of our room. All we've done is try to help and they treat us like dirt that Hitler shit in. Part of me is glad becuase I'm just a cold-hearted bitch anymore. I think it's becuase I'ms treached too thin. I've taken on too many other problems then mine becuase I thought mine we're lessioning. I thought I was getting better and now I just wanna tell the world to FUCK OFF and leave me in peace. I don't apprciate being taken adavatage of. I don't appricate what's happening to my roomates. We tries to be good friends and help this person through the same kind of situation I'm in and they treat us like we're the reason they're depressed. Like it's my fucking fault you can't learn a damn coping mecanism! I'M NOT A FUCKING THERAPIST! GO AND ACTUALLY FUCKING TALK TO THEM! I'm not trained. We're not trained for this! I don't understand it all. How can people be so two-faced? How can someone be so selfish. I hope that I never act like this. I hope that I am never this much of a burden on people. I hope I never make everyone feel like shit when they don't deserve it. If you deserve it then you desrve it but if you don't. If I ever get to the point that I need this m uch help then someone beat the shit out of me, becuase I'd deserve it, and commit me for the rest of my life becuase no one deserves this shit. I feel so bad for Megan and Kirsten becuase they have to get the brunt of this shit. I'm just not good enough. I'm just sick of this stuff. I want to know what I'm going to do with my life. I don't know about becomeing a nun becuase it's something I've been thinking about for my whole life. I need to talk to Sr. John and Sr. Gannon. I dunno where to teach. If I wanna go join like the Peace Corps for a couple of years. What if I never get to work for an orginization like Amnesty Internatioal, which means so much for me becuase they do so much. I dunno. I'm lost. I pray and I meditate and I go to church. I walk. I do other fucking relaxing things and I just get more angry. Sunday's reading was about talents and using them. I'm trying to devolp mine and use them but I just seem to be lacking. I dunno how to make myself better. I know there's a plan being put into motion but it's not being laid out quickly enough for my own comfort. I jsut an unsure and I keep hopeing that things will get better for a substancal amount of time but I dunno when that will happen. Also may Eddie Guerruro rest in peace. I know people don't always understand why I love professional wreastling. It helped me through a hard time. It also helped my brother and I to get closer. Eddie was one of the main wreastlers we bonded over. He was the first one we both liked and quoted. He was also a great man. Yes he had demons but he overcame them. He kept his family together and he owned up to the fact that he fucked up and he changed it. He didn't just sit there and bitch and blaim others. I have so much respect for that man. I hope that he is in heaven putting on a damn good show for God. I hope for a half of his streangth in my own life to stand up for my own convections and to always make people's lives a little brighter. Rest in peace Eddie. You're lieing to someone up there, you';re cheating in some great heavenly game and as so many said) you've stolden our hearts. VIVA LA RASA!!! True to you're heart You must be true to you're heart