I don't wanna go back to classes. I don't wanna go back to the Ed Department from hell. I don't want to go back to facing my math grade and trying to contest it. I don't want to go back to tests and being rejected for my Sophmore Screening. I am, we can't change it. Thanks to math I'm being rejected. Well I guess it's my fault for not dropping it. I should have, but I was to proud too. I thought maybe I could make it with Sr. No Legs. Ha. Yah right. Good try Bridget, but you've come short as usual. I don't want to stay here though. I could never just drop school. I need it. I need soemthing. I would never make it here without it. Even a good job wouldn't be enough to distract me and I'd need my friends and so many of them would be far away. I'm going to miss my friends from here. I'm going to miss Chad calling and just saying that he's coming to pick me up. Arg. I don't want to face that something very large in my life has gone away and I'll never, ever get it back. Things are very different now. I never knew my mom's dad. He was a drunk so w/e. My dad's mom died when I was in third grade. I loved her, a lot. Maybe I loved her more becuase she died when I was to little to really know about the shit that adults do. Maybe it's becuase she sang to me and had the most evil grin ever. My mom's mom lived with us. She was crazy. My Pops was the last one. Now I don't have anyone. I can't just go to his house to say hi and grab a soda. No more holidays at his house. It's a huge part of my life thats gone now and nobody can replace it. I think I've handled it all well. Maybe too well. Maybe I needed to just sit and cry like everyone else did. I mean I did cry but not the way the others did. I dunno. It's just a lot at once. I can see how much people have changed. How much I'VE changed and it's werid becuase nothing can go back to the way it was and I mostly don't want it too.