feeling: okay hearing: my sister and brother so sunday shannon came over after she went to church. i got ready and we went to my grandmas house. my cousin launi was there and her child martina. they left and carmel, sissy, carmels three grandchildren (which would be my cousin...its all so confusing)and their mom and dad came over. its the first time i met all of them so i thought it would have been a little weird at first, but it turned out okay. i can't even remember the parents names it really doesn't matter since they mean nothing to me. they left for like an hour when we were there and i really didn't understand why they had left until my mom told me that they went to get high. she told me that they ask my aunt carmel for money all the time "for the girls" when really they use it to by more drugs. like wtf they have three little girls. they are the cutest things i have ever seen. it bothers me so much. my familys so fucked up. all they care about is theirselves, and getting high and always feeling good. when the ones who do that shit none of them have jobs and they are always complaining. im sorry your how old time to grow up retards. thats probally why im so against it, but i see how dumb my family is. i will never do anything like that. i always put everyone before myself anyways. i dont even know what it feels like to put myself first. monday was the 4th of july we didn't do anythign exciting. i went to work came home thought i was going to go to kays for the night (i was real excited), but her dad said no booo. so i went and saw fireworks with stephanie and her mom. its kinda sad they really arn't what they used to be you know when your little. i wish my dad wasn't retarded and we could throw picnics and go to them. when i get older im always going to have parties at my house and i CAN'T wait. yesterday i didn't do anything either just went to work came home did nothing. today im gonna go to the mall with steph shannon and kalin. then shannon and kay have to work then im not sure what we'll do after we'll see. im out.. xOxOx