A lot has happened that I hate. Living in this house has become unbearable. Its really awful how much I dread coming home at night. I feel like I have to go somewhere every weekend just to stay away as much as I can. Do you know how awful that is? I cannot wait until ski season starts. Well even the ski meeting on Thursday is going to be my one saving grace. I'm so close to rock bottom I can feel my back breaking everytime the littles thing happens for the worst. Its like going to school invites everybody to line up and see who can make me take the final plunge to the bottom. I know who its going to be. I wish last ski season I would have never gotten tangled up with Dan/John/Cody. they make my life hell day after day. Not even really then directly, but things that have occured because of it. I have no idea how to explain it. Its like Im falling down this endless tunnel thats never going to start pulling up. I'm not sure but I try to look for hope in little things. Like getting invited to PJ's this weekend. It made Amber so mad for really no reason at all. Why the hell shoudln't I be aloud to hang out with PJ? What's her problem anyways? It bothers me how Billie and Kayla found my diary. The whole reason I started a new one on SIT was so nobody would read it from school. So i could spill my guts and only total strangers would see. I could make it friends but whats the fun in that? I like recieving comments from people who share my pain, or at least can relate to it. I guess somebody took the quiz that Michelle and I made and called Michelle a bitch. People really need to learn to start taking jokes and loosen up. It wasn't even offensive. for god's sake we talked about our english teacher's underwear. Michelle, Stefania, PJ, and Teed have been my only saving graces lately. They make me laugh and keep my occupied so my mind doesn't wander. I try not to think about how last year I had everything straightened out only to be ruined by everything that happened in March and April. I'm so dumb sometimes. Its like everything anybody says about me is injected as cyanide into my blood little by little. Theyre all slowly killing me and they don't even know it. Like I said, skiing is going to save me. I was talking to my uncle about it the other day, hes amazed at how good I am I guess. Its really funny how much he means to me, when I only see him every once in a while. I don't even know who reads this anymore. Those two girls probably gave my name to everybody, but I don't even give a shit anymore. I think I might bring up moving to my grandparents house. or maybe with michelle. even though that wouldn't work. or maybe with Robbie and Summer even though that would be more like a lifetime of never ending parties. but who doens't need that every once in a while? I'm not sure where this entry went.. I'm not even sure if anybody understood any of it, but there you go... It should be private but it kills me to check that box. If you don't like what you read then thats your problem. Its my life not yours.