I'm feeling so many things it was really hard to pick a mood. This morning was hell. Thats the only way I can describe it. I woke up late and had to leave early. We had to go to my grandma's to pick up my cousins and take them to school. My aunt was there... my mom is so stupid sometimes. She didn't realize that aunt susie had the same clothes on as yesterday so she asked why she was in dress clothes. I was like.. you did not just ask that... and Aunt Susie was like well I slept at Robbie and Summers... and I forgot a nightgown. We started walking out to leave for school and my aunt started sobbing. All my mom said was I have to go your're gonna make me cry. She didn't even comfort her own sister. That is why I never talk to my mom, she doesn't understand anything! So I went over and just hugged my aunt for like five minutes, and I started crying, because I was so upset about that, and then everything else that is happeneing.... So yeah, I went to school this morning with no make-up on because I didn't have the time to get ready, and my eyes were all crappy from crying... before 7:30 in the morning. Honest to God, it was supposed to start getting better. I thought I was at rock bottom, I have nothing, I feel so empty, so alone. But I guess this isn't the bottom. Because it got so much worse. The rest of the day was alright. Michelle was sick in 2, 3, and 4th periods, I felt really bad for her. I finished typing my research paper on Stonehenge so all I have to do is make the model of it now. YES! Then from sixth to tenth period I got out to go to a lecture at Blue Ridge. It was really derpessing. Oh well. Ginny made the ride home really funny, she said the dumbest things, I laughed SO hard! And we sang the little Drummer Boy song! "I played my drum for him BA-RUMP-A-BUM-BUM!" Haha, all I could think of was "Save a drum, bang a drummer." Anyways...so here I am now. Thinking about all this shit... and how fucking messed up Christmas is going to be, and the way that I don't even think anything can make this better. *he slid down the railing today, looked right at me, and said nothing* I hate it... how can you talk to somebody the whole summer until 2 in the morning... and be so understand and one of their best friends... And then ignore them Its been three months, and its not getting any better.