first of all Happy 3 months baby! love youS2* ok now.. UGH ok so today my mom and my sister corner me and at first it started out all like yeah so jen has next week off and i was thinking we could go check out dresses if you want i was like ok sounds fun and then jen of corse puts her god damn two cents in and says yeah and you gotta do something about her being so pale and then my mom goes shes sick and jens like shes always sick blah blah blah UGH i hate older sister that go to college and come back and think they know everything like seriously im not even kidding she thinks she knows like everything and then she starts talking about my grades i swear i was so close to bein like jen shut the fuck up lol im so sick of hearing her tell me what i should and shouldnt do and im so sick of my mom like expecting me to be JEN cause im not jen and i never will be and everytime i do something wrong my mom always uses jen s an example and is basically saying be like jen i know she wants me to be like her but idk jen has always been more of a hard worker and like i get pretty good grades i guess i could do better but i have fun with my life and UGHH i dont even know if this is making sense im just mad because i basically keep being told to live jens life and be just like her and my mom doesnt see that she does this and i tell her that she does it but she cant see it and ughhhhhh im so sick of it .. : idk who i am anymore.. idk if i ever did .. i kinda feel like i have been a dissapointment to my mom because im not like my sister i feel like no matter what i do i cant satisfy my mom like my first report card i got and 85 in math thats like pretty damn good for me because im not good at math its my worst subject and i suck in it and i got an 85 and to me it seemed like my mom wasnt as happy as i thought she would be ..idk maybe i expect more than i should? but then of corse jen comes home from college hey mom i got a 91 on my chem. test and my mom is like all happy and proud does any of that make any sense?? anyway : yeah so im really sick now .. cant eat and i can barely drink my throat feels like AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh i wanna get my tonsuls out their bitchs .. i hate this feeling i need food and i cant eat it cause i cant get it down my throat!! AH this morning i had to pass up FRENCH TOAST ok thats my FAVORITE and i couldnt eat it :( i was sad ... so the lepercon movies were on today lol that little thing was so cute and i asked my mom like what do they say to people when they are casting a movie we need a midget about 3'4 your perfect or .. to a fat person we need a fat person about 300 lbs.?? i would be so affended wouldn't you be? so now im stuck here lisetning to music and working on my massive amount of hw ahh essay, vocab, 3 global packets, math, and text book work for global. doesn't that sound exciting :D? haha no .. cause im sick as a dog and dont want to do this and so i have decided im not gonna do my global and sense i feel like death im going to go to school tomorrow to see ryan and my friends after this long ass vacation and then im going to go home 4th and be happy at home lol or misserably sick either way ill will be H O M E weeee well im going to try and eat again cause my tummys growling at me :O Byee! R Y A N iloveyou*