...this message is not to hurt anyones feelings so dont get mad..its just for me to get out what i need to say so if you will get mad then dont read it or leave comments... all my life...ive been the odd one out..the one that never realli quite fit it..i tried so hard to..but it never seemed to work..ppl just didnt like the way i was..the way i acted towards other ppl... i geuss iwas the only one that would stand up to help someone that needed something.. the only one to stand up when i wanted things to be done... ive been labeled the smart one in my group of friends...i geuss im just not smart enuf..to figure out how to fit in right... right now i just want to leave here and go some where that i fit in with the people.. where they listen to my ideas instead of ignore me.. where they take me into consideration when they make plans where they dont just ask whats wrong so they can seem like they are nice to other people...cuz i kno thats how it is.. ive never realli looked at a person and judged them right then and there...ive taken the time to see there potential and their kindness and genorousity... ive come to find that every complete stranger...is a potential best friend.. every time i hav come across a stranger here on diary...they hav come off as a realli kind and genorous person...yet they liv so far away and they are a lot older ... my sister and i hav always believed that we were both born in the wrong time period...she thinks she should be like 25...i think i should be 17... or somthing better than 13 i want to live in another town...where people treat you like ur human and not an alien.. where you are treated equally amongst ur friends.. i have this perfect picture of a guy in my head and heart... he sweet and king and gently and affectionate and brave and bold and just...perfect..i want that..thats what i need right now nd friends...no a best friend...that will always be there for me...nd i kno my friends are goin to leave me angry comments or comments saying they are my best friend but i dont need that bull shit..i kno the truth and i kno what you all think of me...you all have eachother and im happy for you...but i want to be happy for me too im not happy with my life right now..sure ive got a lot of things...and people that say they care about me but i need more than that...as selfish as i am.. fuck it im selfish and stupid and i hate myself and everything around me.. yes i overreact as you can tell but screw it.. i cant help it.. here are the things ive been writing lately.. summer 04 what a drag i would hav stayed at school if i knew things could get this bad... another lost day.here comes the moon.right on the suns heels.another summer day.so this is how it feels? to be broken hearted and alone.when your life should be great.things arent as good as they seem.i hav learned from my mistakes.can i be forgiven.or am i forver to remain forgotten?all i want.is for you to be with me.for us to be together.i wish that youd miss me.for if you did.i wouldnt feel so down.i wouldnt be here.i wouldnt be lieing on the ground.beggin for my soul to be brought back.i dont think this is how its mean to be.this is it.this is my very last act.my last attempt.to be with you.if all else fails.give up, give in, let go, i didnt win.i failed myself.i failed you.i failed my friends. as i always do.im not the one that you want.its someone else you crave.but no matter what.ill take my love for you to my grave. you cant jus say you love someone. you cant jus say you care. empty wordz are not enuf. you must show them youll be there...never fall in love. dont put ur heart on the line. your heart will become broken. its all just a matter of time... ...this message is not to hurt anyones feelings so dont get mad..its just for me to get out what i need to say so if you will get mad then dont read it or leave comments... J*me