ive come to the conclusion that i hate myself and i think i suck. i wish that i could be happy and in that wishing makes me sad because i think why cant i be happy for longer then a day? why do i have to feel miserable about everything and its not like a have a really bad life, im just alone and i hate to be alone but when im around other people i want to be alone im such a contradiction. i always think people hate me, i want people to like me sadly i care what people think too much. if i like someone, i get scared to talk to them for fear of ridicule and rejection. there is someone i like now and it seems as tho he liked me but then he just kinda stopped talking to me cause he was 'scared to get too close' and now ive given up..but when i see him it hurts soo much i want to be so fucking angry at him but at the same time i want to say 'yeh its okay, i still love you anyway'. Its really hard cause he knew me so well he understood me and thats all i really want is understanding cause half of what i think/say makes NO sense to me (and im sure not to anyone else) i just want to know that im not crazy and its normal to feel like this. i dont know what to say i have so much shit going through my head i may edit this later i dont know.