life sucks so badly. i went to bedford and it was good and bad i had a panic attack (sp) and i puked all night it was great and in front of tom too, im such an idiot. my days have been consumed with thinking of thomas im so in love with him now its really bad i am to call him today i keep trying to get ahold of him to talk to him but i just leave messages on his voice mail and he calls me back on my cell phone at 1am after his wife is asleep. im really worried about him because his wife while at one time i thought of her as a good friend is a bitch she is so hateful to him and i feel like she dosent deserve him he is such a beautiful person he makes me laugh even when im in the worst mood no one makes me feel like tom does it really sucks cause ive been in love with him for just about 4 years now although we have only been as close as we are now for 2 years i just wish she would see how great he is i just want him to be happy not calling me upset cause of something his wife did in other news i ran into the methed out bitch at the sore she came up to me like 'uhhh uhh yeh wtf really happend??? zoe left with beads and thet are in west virginia together' she kept saying she wasnt spun out even though she looked like death. this is so fucked up cause she told susan that i was so in love with beads that i would do anything to get him back i was like uhh rite w/e im glad hes gone i did still care about him but that was as far as it went she never had to go though what i went through with him. i dont know hes nuts shes nuts they all are crazy all i have to say is fuck that bitch im never making new friends. oh im living with kristi now me tesla zebb and oblina my fish died. its not really the best time ive ever had tesla is psycho yesterday she threw a monster fit for like 2 hours she screamed i swear i saw her head spin around the kid needs therapy badly. my mother hates me. im sorry mom.