i've never felt more disgusting about the person i am. i have filthy habits that i hide from the world to make myself look better in their eyes but so much worse in my own

and the one person that i thought loved me completely, even though they didn't have to, and that i thought wouldn't betray me.. has been lying to me all this time. so now i am completely alone. and i guess i deserve it. i don't even blame him.. i knew i had nothing really to offer. i knew i would lose him to someone younger and prettier and more real. it's only a matter of time before he figures it out completely and now i am pushing him away

i wish the whole of last weekend didn't happen. it was supposed to be the most wonderful happiest time of my life but it turned into one of the worst. that will teach me for having expectations of the world i guess

what the fuck have i done with my life? time to get shit sorted

but where do i start?