and as I sit and ponder this awkward reality o fall the thoughts that have recently been flying through my heard, overanalyzation is what its seldome called, and its hurting me. I sat and watched a beautiful love story…..i haven’t seen on like that in a while…ofcourse its all fake, but it sparked something so crazy. Two people who briefly meet are conncected and have to let go…and they don’t even try. No one tries. We were right with what we did? But was it correct….was it honest in everything formed. Why do I think of you….i thought I was soo little attatched. I hurt a little over the break up, but then now all the pain is hitting me hard. Maybe I was in denial that week, I don’t quite understand I was looking forward to being with you. Falling in love didn’t actually start to seem half bad anymore. Life has become a whirlwind of busy, and I walk dazed through it. Ive become numb emotionless, sleeping is a chore in itself. Pouring hurt I cant begin to feel into my pillow. Im looking to it getting a lot worse before it gets a lot better…ive grown to just turning it off but the numb feeling is tingling a awkwardly painful sensation.. Your goofy grin haunts me…when I think of you, your pathetic try at a wink is mystifying and no one will, has, or tried to come close to the way you look(ed) at me. Penetrating, trying to find me, or maybe just look. Im a pest, annoying, unsure and insecure in my relationships, but I wont say im sorry, it just wouldn’t feel right. I didn’t comprehend possibly, is more correct, who you were, I was falling into pattern…where I get lost everytime. Will you forget me…… I didn’t manage not to need you, or did I? was it that I needed you or was just undeniably insecure with how you felt about me. I didn’t think you did. I found myself pondering the essence of if the searing bite of lonliness lead you into me. And on I retreat into nothing. Im not a dealible woman, most aren’t, and im no sure if that’s what you need or want….im silly of course it it. The bracelet meant so little to….i wanted to see you… The very thought of not being able to see those eyes again, was slowly burning its way through me. I don’t want to give up…no closure in the feeling of knowing….KNOWING there could be more…wanting more…yearning I don’t want to walk away. I feel what we did was right….there was nothing wrong, but coming to the thought it just wasn’t true. Remember you saying, you live without regrets, right? Don’t want to regret never seeing you again, holding your hand, smelling your nasty, but warm, breathe, tasting your chapstick….which is fading but ill never forget the taste, straight from the bottle or on your lips. Hearing your strangly alluring voice say my name. don’t want to know we never actually tried. And this is my feeble attempt of telling you how I feel…and something seems to be missing in all that im saying. Remember my hands, Jacob Lisle, long, smooth, everywhere…I stroked you , felt you, scratched you and even hit you…but did I ever touch you?....... Forget your stubbornness and don’t be a coward Did I touch you….dont go on knowing I can