well jordan and i have broken up. damnit. i mean, its my fault. i never realized how different our beliefs and morals were, but theres no reason we cant work past them. the distance is just too hard currently. he never expresses himself to me and i never know what he is thinking or feeling and jacob is the opposite. he tells me whats up in his head. its confusing. im still in love with jordan. a lot. im sad like every day because i miss his voice and his love and everything about him. i dont know...i dont know what to do. i want things to be back to the way they were, but i cant help the fact that i have changed. it sucks. a lot. uuuggghhh. i wish things werent so complicated.
I've ultimately decided to be a fairy princess for halloween (i am wearing my pink fairy dress now teehee! and getting weird looks from people on campus, come on it's Halloween!). I might manage to work something more along the lines of what I wanted to do originally tomorrow for some of the parties i plan to attend.
And Caleb is staying for...however long it takes to do his PhD. and when he leaves, I'm going with him!!!! no more goodbyes! no more distance! I'm tired of distance. no more distance for either of us, it looks like.