i dont think i've ever had a shittier weekend then this one. i cant even begin to describe why exactly it was so bad. was i tired? pms? emotional? i literally dont know why it sucked so bad. could it be the parties i wasnt feeling? or the valentines day love in the air that i resented? or could it be i felt so alone, while a million people were around. people i love and care about. best friends, and i still felt alone. why? stephen's best friend lydian has been here, and she's wonderful, but ive been second best. which of course i am, i should be, they've been best friends for years. but i couldnt help feeling unwanted all weekend. and last night. last night i cried because finally i realized what its all come to. we're out to dinner, me, stephen, max, hannah, and lydian. we leave dinner and max has to go do some homework, no problem, except stephen, hannah, and lydian have to go to some "group" thing with jacob? which means ditch kat. again. for jacob. and i ofcourse cant go in there! so i cried. maybe its lame. it is lame. i mean they had to go to their meeting, whatever. but they could have said not tonight, we're hanging out with kat? they could have NOT ditched me for jacob. i ended up having a good night anyway...it just stung. i dont know. im sensitive. and probably paranoid. i dont care...i just want some one to care.