oh life. im really missing jordan. we're going to be together again one day, i know it. i hope it. he is so wonderful, and im a fuck up. things with jacob got wack as well on halloween. but apparently he got over that and now we're back to square 1. great. as if things werent complicated enough. why is it so hard for me to make choices? why couldnt the answers have just been clear. on the bright side, im very optimistic. i really believe everything is going to be ok and work itself out in the end. it just sucks for now. things can only go up. right? i love the weekend. had FTC auditions this weekend and made it through. thats exciting. although, i wonder if this means i will no longer be living in New York for the summer. if wonder if that is ALSO a sign that I shouldnt be with jordan? ugh. im tired of these fucking signs. i just want jordan to come down here and rescue me. how pathetic am i? very. i dont want a monday.