the letter k on my keyboard isnt working so well. there must be something stuck behind it. anyway. recent events. i feel like every day theres a new recent event. becasue something eventful happens atleast once a day. which i guess is a good thing. jacob doesnt want anything serious. neither did i until i realized how unloved ive felt for a while. i discovered this whilst telling jordan why everything got so fucked up. so we're trying to patch up "us". im nervous. i dont want to let him down again. the distance has just created this barrier that i feel i cant break through. so i settle for this guy who is CLEARLY going to hurt me. its only a matter of time before something really depressing happens. thats a really negative attitude, but these days my usual optimism isnt solving anything. sometimes i wonder why any of these trials happen. maybe i believe too much in fate. maybe nothing is ever "supposed" to happen and things just do and sometimes they suck and sometimes they rock. lately, theyve sucked. i guess its proof im alive. im exhausted from how drawn out this has become. and i would really enjoy winter clothes right about now. never realized florida could become CHILLY. apparently it can. scarves would be lovely. or pants. whichever. no classes tomorrow. im getting drunk tonight. the end. ahhhhhhhhh