im curious as to why i get this feeling. like all my old memories disappear and i cant remember what it was like. i watch videos and look at pictures and wonder who you are. how can i got months without seeing an old friend and be normal, but a week without you is strange? is it because i love you so much that a week is forever? or am i crazy and psyching myself out of a perfectly good thing because i am destined to only live in the panic and horror of a life incomplete? i dont know who you are when we dont talk for a while. i dont know who i am when you are absent from my mind. i live two different lives. one with you and one alone. the one with you is real. its how it should be. its perfect. and maybe thats why we must be apart. maybe we are too much of a good thing. maybe by being apart we are fulfilling the perfection of what is you and I. i never know if im kidding myself with a future or cheating myself with these thoughts. obviously something has held onto us this long. how can two people apart for so long hold on to eachother from so far away without the bond being truly strong. the facts point to love. but is it? are we just so comfortable with eachother that it doesnt make sense to split up. now that i type that i realize no. that is silly. i wake up in the mornings and the first thing i do is check to see if there is a text from you. i count down the days til we see eachother again, and save all the money i can for another plane ride. i look at old pictures and videos and anything i can to remind myself how good we have it. i lay in bed at night and reminisce on old memories. like in may, when you were home for so long. and you slept over at my place just to wake up early the next morning and help me cook for the brunch. and you wer so cute with your apron on, cooking those grits like you knew what was up. or every night when you would cuddle with me before i fell asleep just to make me feel safe and loved. or when you bought me eclipse the day it came out because you knew i couldnt wait to read it. and you were the one to give that to me. i live for the moments i see you, ya know. i almost waste my life counting down til i see you. life only continues when you are with me. and im okay with that, although i wish it werent so. i wish i could wake up every morning with you next to me, awaiting another perfect day with a perfect adventure. that is love.