last night, i finally felt at ease with this thing. i finally felt like he and i can exsist together and just let it be and enjoy eachothers company without complicating things with sex and emotions and baggage. he's so happy now its amazing. it was a whole new him. for once, he wasnt just sitting in his thoughts. and i didnt feel guilty. or even pain. things are looking up. theyre also getting better with jordan. we're going to see eachother over he Christmas break. Who knows... maybe i did change too much... we'll see. I cant wait to see him. and as for me, i am content.