it's been almost two years since i've written here. I guess xanga and then myspace took over. hmm i read a couple of my old entries, god the way I wrote and felt definitely sounds like a 17 year old talking about her first love. I don't want to say i'm necessarily scared to read some of the old entries but I already know that it will bring up old memories and feelings I don't want to think about. you know, it doesn't get easier, this dating thing. you meet more women with different issues everytime. dating women is so very complicated. the older women get, the more baggage they come with. being a woman myself, I wonder if other women see me as someone with issues. I don't really think I have any serious issues though, things have always ended up ok enough with the women I date. i've been told quite a few times that i'm the kind of person who's more likely to court a girl than to fuck her. this is true. I bring this up because it goes along with what i'm going to talk about. I dated this girl for about 3-4 weeks but i've had a crush on her for like 5-6 months. imagine my surprise (and excitement) when we started dating. I like how she neglected to tell me that she just broke up with some guy she was practically in love with 2 weeks before we started seeing each other. anyways, it was pretty obvious she wasn't ready to date and I called her out on it and she told me about her dating history and some of what went down with this guy. The thing is that i know the guy and he's such a fuckin loser, I really can not understand what she saw in him. I don't understand why such an amazing girl like her would get involved with a jerk like him. It's low self-esteem actually. so if I had known from the beginning the she still had feelings and issues concerning this guy I would have waited at least a month or 2 before I would try anything with her. Things ended with us like 2 weeks ago but I still want to be with her. Does it sound kind of pitiful that i'm willing to wait like 2 months to give her time to deal with everything and then talk to her about us dating again? The second time around I want to properly date her, not just see eachother a couple times a week and mess around. I know i'd be a pretty damn good girlfriend, i've been told numerous times different people that i'm quite a catch. I don't want to sound conceited or anything but i'm an attractive young woman who has a lot of respect for women, I know how to treat a woman right. As much as i'd like to date her again, i know that i probably won't. You pretty much just get one chance with a girl, you just have to have the right timing. I obviously didn't, i came into her life a few months too early.

i don't know why i have this need to write in here every few months. it's been almost exactly 4 months since i last posted something. so a little update, me and maire never slept together. dang. i know. but we're good friends. i think goly is in love with me. i really just don't know what to do about that. we were affectionate friends but then this whole fiasco happened during the frisco trip me her and larson took. i was just like whatever it is causing way too many problems. i told her we should just be platonic friends. then she got mad and depressed about it. everyone is telling me that she's in love with me and for the first time, i actually think it might be true. i in no way am in love with her. i just don't feel the same at all. yea i care about it but that's all. we're are like bff and i think we might loose a friendship over this. damn. i don't know what to do. sarrina is coming to town in a few weeks. how do you tell some one you don't want to have sex with them?? i don't want to hurt her feelings. we haven't slept together in like 6 months (mostly cause she moved) but since the last time we slept together i've turned her down all the other times she's tried. crazy shit. i just want to date some one who's not "all natural" who won't get insanely jealous to the point of yelling at me and not talking to me. where is my cute awesome girl?

funny how a couple months can change so much. I am sooo in with maire, the girl wants to have sex with me lol awesome. I was dating Goly but i didn't feel any chemistry with her so i brought up the idea of "affectionate friends" it was going good till she said she wanted the whole package or nothing. so i decided nothing. now she says she misses my affection. psht she's not gonna have it dang i've been seeing so many cute girls where to start? i love my bass, i've been writing a lot of good stuff on it

10 page papers suck ass damn Maire is so effin beautiful. I decided i'm not going to try anything with her, maybe i never will. I just like being around her. right now i don't really want a relationship with anyone. I like being drama free. i jus want to make more friends. sex is the last thing on my mind now, though flirting with other hot girls is always fun

the girl i was interested in a month ago, yea that was a total bust. that is what i get for trying to date someone still in high school now there's this one chick who i'm talking to, i've had a crush on her for almost a year, she's fucking amazing. the catch is she's in the middle of a break up. i'm willing to wait a few months if that's what it takes. woo! i got paid yesterday, sometimes obee's does rule.. though usually it sucks

some times i can be such a fuckin dumbass. jesus christ i kinda started seeing some one, she's really pretty.

I wonder how some people come up with their usernames whether it's on here, xanga, or myspace. Seriously some people come up with rediculous stuff that just makes me want to roll me eyes and be like "really now.. really.. come on" I think certain girls would look better with faux hawks then actual mohawks. just a thought. I've noticed trendy people are going for the "i'm not trying to be trendy by shopping at thrift stores, i've always been indie/vintage-y" look. Tsk tsk. not trying to look cool is the cool thing now. how did that manage to happen?

The hottie I talked about in my october post wich is like the second one down cuz i never write in this. well I went out with her, fucked her, we did the friend thing then stopped talking now we're friends again.. friends with benefits. hey I can't help it if the ladies can't resist me. I'm the pretty little armenian girl who's too cute. haha Shows here lately have been kind of lame, everyone is just sounding the same. I should start my own band with larson. We would so own cuz we're awesome like that.

man i am really bad with updating this sit, people just go to my xanga: stomp_on_it

Today, Jennifer and Tara were nice enough to sit two tables over from the hotti and left me the seat with the perfect view of her lol. Thanks guys, that made my morning. Before that Tara and Jennifer came and picked me up and then we went over to Jennifer's sister's house where we stole food for breakfast. mmm poptarts. I took the bus home but there was construction where my stop was supposed to be so a few minutes later I got off and called my mom to come get me, I was so lost. So I sat outside of the Bank of the West for like 15 just reading. I was half expecting some one to come outside and ask what I was doing just sitting outside of the bank when I could have sat anywhere else in that area (I wasn't exactly dressed like your normal teen girl, i've had many a problem with being harassed cuz of the way I dress). One of those armored cars happened to show up, which didn't make me feel anymore at ease. Ha I was staking out the joint. People need to stop being annoyingly jerkish. Woo! The Vandals in exactly one week. Yaya. I realized that I don't have much of a social life out side of le college, wow that's really sad, I even kinda pity myself

Yesterday night Jeanne cam over and we watched Real World together. It was another lame episode. Laguna beach came on and it was just so dumb, what is the point of that show? We just sat on my bed and talked until it was over. She left around 11 and I fell asleep like a half hour later lol. I'm tellin ya, it's the iron. OMG! This past hour or so has been the best i've had in so long. I finally found a program thing that I can actually use and i've download a few songs that i've been absolutely dying to hear and now I am just.. I don't know if words can describe how great I feel

Ok photo had many different moments today. I printed out this really cool pick of my guitar, the view was from the neck down. tres cool. The problem was that part of it needed more light then the rest. God I spent two damn hours working on that picture and it still isn't the way it should be. ergh to that. I tried printing the pic Tara wanted, man I did 3 or 4 test strips and changed filters on that thing and I stil couldn't get a good time. stupid negatives. So her name is Sarena, she's 23-24 and is going to trasnfer to UCSC (santa cruz) next semester. Damn it, not what I wanted to hear but whatever. Thanks to Daniel for that good info. Speaking of Daniel, he's a good guy, he has some creative ideas and knows his photo shit. I need a new fixation. Got a new essay that I don't want to do. grr to that. Test tomorrow. ugh Why won't they let me download the new Superbs cd?? It would make me immensely happy if I could have it. Ergh, why do they have to live in france.

Yesterday morning I woke up at some ungodly hour.. 7:30.. yes I know, it was hellish for me..ha. I had a dermatologist appointment and she told me to buy Nioxin for my hair and to not use or do anything damaging to my hair. The only thing I can use is hairspray. How does one style hair with just hairspray? Apparenlty I can't use my other product.. i'm a bit upset about that. I wanted to take a nap when I got home but on the way home Rachel called and she said the gang was going to pick me up. Hell. ha. We went to taco bell to eat then over to Target where I bought two things of bubble tape. Yaya. One of these days, Tara and I are going to ditch child dev. and go visit Hoover during lunch.. though we can't do it any time soon cuz we don't actually have a way of getting there. Speaking of Hoover, I need to make plan with Nichol, Larson and the rest of the gang, I miss hanging out with them. Good times those were. Yesterday was also the 6 month mark of my break up (aka her leaving me) with Jen. Wow, it went by soo fast and it feels weird. I dunno, I wasn't really affected by it yesterday. I still need to get the right number from her and get her address, her birthday is comimg up soon, 12 days I think. ERRGH, that is how you pronounce the french 'R'

Oooooo so I went to the doctors friday morning and after waiting over a half hour I go in and the doctor tell me i'm a little anemic as opposed to being a whole lot anemic?. I dunno. I have to take these iron pills for the next 3 months and see if it helps. Ok so the funeral was on friday too. I walked in the church and saw my aunt in one of those little rooms. Damn she looked so empty and lifeless, i've never seen anyone look like that before, now I know what some one looks like when they say they're just a shell of a person. It was all really sad. OMG ok so we get to the cemetary and guess what happened? They dug up the wrong plot for my uncle. what the hell. They did the little service thing and then we waited around till they started to dig in the right place on the other side of the cemetary. hmm nothing else really happened this weekend. I wasn't able to go to the "hardcore" festival in madera cuz I had to visit a bunch of family. Man I wasn't too happy about that, I was dying to see Light This City again (and laura haha), really wanted to hear some of the new songs. I filled out some more applications so good luck to me with that. It was really nice seeing my cousin Arlene again, her and her brother Khoren are my favorite ones lol I saw my other ones too but I was like ehh ok. haha.

Alright so wednesday Tara, Jennifer, and Rachel came to my house to pick me up but I needed to go make copies for the outline my group was supposed to teach so Tara, being the immensely nice person she is, offere to let me make copies at her dad's shop. I think I used up like 200 pages lol and Rachel almost set another copier on fire haha. One of the older men working there was really creepy, he was all like "i'm surrounded by temptation". Eww. We then went to Taco Bell where they gave me two tacos instead of two double decker tacos (or whatever they're called). So I scarfed down like 8 of them. well not really but I did buy some more. Anyways, my part in teaching the class went by really good for not even practicing and I made good time. Thursday in my english class we started watching Lost In Translation. Apparenlty it has something to do with our next essay, i dunno. I'm just really happy that we get to sit back and watch a movie in there for a few days. Friday, I was picked up by Grant, Tara, Rachel and Jennifer. For some reason I don't really remember what we did. Ok well they blasted Tina Turner live in the car lol that was.. interesting. We went to manchester mall to pick up Rachels check and we rode in the carousel and Jennifer and I had to look at Tara's crack the whole time lol. A certain person wasn't there for me to talk to when me and Tara were eating and waiting for our next class. eh maybe monday.

Ok so i'm gonna still write in my xanga and post what I put in there, in here. I don't know why I have two diaries, but hey there's no harm in it.

ok so I'm thinking I should start writing in here again even though it's been so long since I actually have cuz i've been using xanga (xanga.com/stomp_on_it). hmm

wow that is a really big pic of me

I took these pics like 3 months ago

i've decided to use a xanga thing for a while. www.xanga.com/stomp_on_it