so i'm still sick, I finaly got enough energy to get out of bed. Since I couldn't do much, I did some thinking and I realized why i've been getting mad at Jen a lot lately, she doesn't deserve for me to be mad at her. I kinda figured this out before a while ago, but I did more thinking and I realized that i've been selfish and expecting too much of her. When I talk to her I feel so happy and so much love, and when I don't all that is gone. I mean yes, i am happy and stuff during the rest of the day, but I just want the happiness I feel with her all the time. I can't expect her to drop everything just for me, that's asking too much and it's not fair, it wasn't even what I wanted in the first place. I dunno, all I know is that I fell for her hard but I can't have what I need from this relationship just yet. I mean i'm willing to wait but i'm gonna have to watch my feelings and emotions and not be so hard on myself or her.