it's been almost two years since i've written here. I guess xanga and then myspace took over. hmm i read a couple of my old entries, god the way I wrote and felt definitely sounds like a 17 year old talking about her first love. I don't want to say i'm necessarily scared to read some of the old entries but I already know that it will bring up old memories and feelings I don't want to think about. you know, it doesn't get easier, this dating thing. you meet more women with different issues everytime. dating women is so very complicated. the older women get, the more baggage they come with. being a woman myself, I wonder if other women see me as someone with issues. I don't really think I have any serious issues though, things have always ended up ok enough with the women I date. i've been told quite a few times that i'm the kind of person who's more likely to court a girl than to fuck her. this is true. I bring this up because it goes along with what i'm going to talk about. I dated this girl for about 3-4 weeks but i've had a crush on her for like 5-6 months. imagine my surprise (and excitement) when we started dating. I like how she neglected to tell me that she just broke up with some guy she was practically in love with 2 weeks before we started seeing each other. anyways, it was pretty obvious she wasn't ready to date and I called her out on it and she told me about her dating history and some of what went down with this guy. The thing is that i know the guy and he's such a fuckin loser, I really can not understand what she saw in him. I don't understand why such an amazing girl like her would get involved with a jerk like him. It's low self-esteem actually. so if I had known from the beginning the she still had feelings and issues concerning this guy I would have waited at least a month or 2 before I would try anything with her. Things ended with us like 2 weeks ago but I still want to be with her. Does it sound kind of pitiful that i'm willing to wait like 2 months to give her time to deal with everything and then talk to her about us dating again? The second time around I want to properly date her, not just see eachother a couple times a week and mess around. I know i'd be a pretty damn good girlfriend, i've been told numerous times different people that i'm quite a catch. I don't want to sound conceited or anything but i'm an attractive young woman who has a lot of respect for women, I know how to treat a woman right. As much as i'd like to date her again, i know that i probably won't. You pretty much just get one chance with a girl, you just have to have the right timing. I obviously didn't, i came into her life a few months too early.