they're putting me under and i wish they'd put me down i'm tired of being watched and touched and told my skin is two shades darker and my eyes and my hair this needs to be fixed i'm quit by next next thursday. and i'll smoke right up until an hour before. and probably after. my mom bought some weed from the liquor store man. brandon talks like a stoner now, and i want to hit him until he stops. it's scary, watching people slip away, when you weren't watching them before. i miss the way kat was. and jess and anyone else, probably. i miss missing. and knowing what to miss. i really shouldn't . do this. i cling to life and death so tightly grasped in my fists not knowing what to choose i'm so fucking lost right now.where the hell did i go?