i wish i believed myself when i say i'm beautiful. at the moment i'm feeling particularly angsty and hate-everything-ish. is it a horrible thing that i still want him? yes. yes it is. but i know i would never have him. which i guess gives me some credit. there is absolutely no way i can get it back. and i'm aware of that. but it doesn't stop me wanting it. last day of work, and i decided not to take the shoe job. want to be super cool and work at hot topic. oh i'll be so popular i can't wait. this is all going to shit and a half. all wrong. stop reading, before it gets worse. and i swear it will. brandon and i went to the beach last night. it was sort of raining. i spun in circles and then tackled him. and got sand in my pants. laid there for about thirty minutes. went home. THIS IS NOT A TEST. this is a fucked up entry.