I am happy...aren't I? I have to be! Why shouldn't I be? i am feeling really really fake. like here i am trying to convince myself that i am happy when i hurt soo much right now. i dont want to hurt, i mean i have to be happy for the sake of others. i dont know why i feel so bad and crap because i knew all this before things happened...it isnt a shock to me, i shouldnt take it like this. i need to get over it! i am just fucking myself over, bringing more pain, but i cant help it!