tracy chapman. uplifting. i want to be like her. but i can't. and even when i'm bringing the small amount of joy to others that i think and hope i do, i still can't keep it together for myself. enough about that. i can't stop thinking about my baby. i miss her so much. she has the prettiest eyes, a mona lisa smile, she makes me feel good. about everything. i watched barry hilton today, the cousin. his accent, the lingo he used, everything about that show made me nostalgic. i miss south africa. i miss nigger balls. i miss chappies. i miss boogaloos. i miss barney simon. i miss going to the office every day. i miss the ways, waggas, shawn, sheldon. i miss jumping down stairs and over walls and down gaps. i miss making fun of pearl jam (love them now though). i miss being so sure of myself, knowing exactly what i wanted out of life. i miss watching jack and joel. i miss my house, my dog katanka, my babies chat and patches, my dad's pool, terri, my cousins, uncles and aunt, surprisingly the hill high school. i'm never going back. my dad's a cunthole and a half. and i apparently have a much better life here. though, in all honesty, i feel that no matter where i am, no matter what i'm doing, i'll always be missing something. *sigh* i hate writing these kinds of entries. : P