todays top 5, yay! five favourite songs: 5. metallica - one 4. foo fighters - my hero 3. frank sinatra - my way 2. ben folds five - philosophy 1. the pietasters - out all night varied! ***** okay, so i've been thinking about laura a lot and i hope she thinks about me too. sometimes i think she's not really all that faithful. like she said i should call her tonight before 8 because she's going out. so i asked her where and she sketchily replied, 'to my friend patch's, he's gonna blah blah blah blah blah.' okay, i don't mind that she has loads of much older guy friends that she spends a lot of time with. it's the fact that i'm not 110 per cent sure what she's spending that time on that concerns me. and then she told me she's going to reading festival and i said i probably would too. and she said, 'where are you going to get the money from?' like she didn't really want me to be there with her. and she told me she was going with loads of her friends, fourty or so. and she told me she was going to be sharing a tent with her good friend lee. one of her older guy friends. and i know for a fact that she likes to drink. and i know what kids get up to when they're shickered, if you know what i mean. how is all that supposed to make me feel!? not fine and fucking dandy, i'll tell ya that! maybe i'm reading into things too much, but again, all i can do when i'm sitting alone at home with nothing to do is think. and contemplate. damn, that's time wasted. i could be coming up with a cure for cancer. oh well. when i get cancer, i'll come up with a cure for it. i'm too busy thinking about life and it's downfalls to do anything important. actually, i'm in a much better mood today. i guess i feel indebted to society not to be such a miserable sod, it's bad enought they have the english weather to put up with. and my friends who can't stand to see me depressed. well, i'm not, not anymore. and i don't want to be. not again. it's unhealthy, i think i've got an ulcer or somthing that's fucking up my stomach as a result of all the stress i put myself through by thinking all the damn time. no big deal, i'm trying to think happy thoughts like mountains of chocolate fudge ice cream and sparkly faeries and other such happy thoughts. i think this entry's getting too damn long for my own good. so i must end it here. later days. : P ***** so i just had a big fight with my mom. she started screaming at me because i couldn't hear her when she called. she said my music was blaring. i have the folume on FUCKING 25. that's fucking low. then i shouted that there's nothing for me to do but listen to music, i'm bored. then she screamed that it's not her fault i got thrown out of school. and then she said the most hurtful words anyone can ever hear: "it's all your fault." so now i'm leaving. : P