well yesterday was certainly interesting. i woke up at 10:00 to the phone ringing constantly. it was dad telling tony and i to get ready and that he was going to do dad night early. so i got dressed. sat in my room waiting for him and watching warped wednesday. gerard looks so much better with short hair. deal with it arjay. i can like him too. so dad got us and we went to holiday to get drinks and jerky. headed up to bald mountain... big surprise to me... NOT... listened to saliva sisters till it was over.. then listened to phantom of the opera until we got to the mountain road then we put on peter pauland mary (as usual) about 1/2 way up just past the 15 mile marker, it started to rain. we stopped at duchesne tunnel and were shocked at how much water was tehre... and at how much rain was there too. all the little stream tributaries were gushing. it was so weird because the last few years it has been like... bone dry. but oh my god... when we got up to the meadow, there was between probably two and three feet of SNOW still on the ground. and let me tell you. up there it did NOT feel like the middle of june. felt and looked like the middle of december... so beautiful though. because it was raining and there was lightning in the purple gray sky that we could see. why does that mountain always inspire me? we headed back down because we couldnt get ot the spring or to fireengine rock. so we just went down to provo falls to see. oh... my... god... that is really all i can say... you couldnt even see the rocks underneath the white water! went down and went to oakley polar king for food then took teh long way through wanship to see rockport reservoir and then we stopped at the cemetery and wandered around looking for relatives... dad, i guess thinks we're related to petersens a bit back there... but we found petersens, McLings, straws(mcling) and vernon(petersen) it was wierd. went back to the truck and i had a text from arjay. so on the way back home through parleys canyon and park city i just talked to her. she got off before i got home. but got home, got online. i had like 16 or so emails from tasha. arjay got back online... squirrelwraithe: hi wallakwalla: hey squirrelwraithe: jackie tried to streak her hair and did her whole head by accident wallakwalla: what color did it endup...? squirrelwraithe: blue everywhere squirrelwraithe: she used the WHOLE bottle wallakwalla: oy squirrelwraithe: for streak wallakwalla: uh.... duh? n/o to her or anything... but... squirrelwraithe: yea squirrelwraithe: im gonna help her fix it later after i eat dinner wallakwalla: good plan squirrelwraithe: yea squirrelwraithe: is he talking to you wallakwalla: no wallakwalla: last night after my comp booted me i asked him if you were still there and he goes "fuck!" and i say i want to know because i think she might be mad at me and he goes "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!" squirrelwraithe: evil wallakwalla: oh... i almost let him have it back. but i was too tired squirrelwraithe: o wallakwalla: so i dont really want to talk to him right now if he's going to be like that wallakwalla: i hate it squirrelwraithe: yea squirrelwraithe: thats who he is wallakwalla: i know... wallakwalla: i hate that i dont hate him sometimes wallakwalla: if that makes any sense squirrelwraithe: o wallakwalla: arrghh wallakwalla: i saw jake yesterday squirrelwraithe: jake.. squirrelwraithe: o squirrelwraithe: billings squirrelwraithe: kwl wallakwalla: yep squirrelwraithe: brb dont type squirrelwraithe: back wallakwalla: k squirrelwraithe: what were u saying earlier wallakwalla: about...? i dont remember squirrelwraithe: i dont kno either u were typing then i said brb wallakwalla: oh... i dont remember wallakwalla: must be a lie squirrelwraithe: whatwallakwalla: what i was going to say... my mom says it... squirrelwraithe: im really bitchy today btw wallakwalla: im sorry squirrelwraithe: Now and again it seems worse than it is, but mostly the view is accurate. You see your breath in the air while you climb up the stairs to that coffin you call your apartment. And you sink in your chair, brush the snow from your hair and drink the cold away. You are not really sure what you are doing this for but you need something to fill up the days. A few more hours. There is a dream in my brain that just won't go away. It has been stuck there since it came a few nights ago I'm standing on a bridge in the town where I lived as a kid with my mom and my brothers. And then the bridge disappears and I'm standing on air with nothing holding me. And I hang like a star, fucking glow in the dark, for all those starving eyes to see, like the ones we've wished on. But now I'm confused. Is this death really you? Do these dreams have any meaning? No. No, I think it is more like a ghost that has been following us both. Something vague that we are not seeing, something more like a feeling. squirrelwraithe: this song made me cry wallakwalla: really? the lyrics make my eyes sting squirrelwraithe: if u heard it squirrelwraithe: its even better wallakwalla: i bet squirrelwraithe: do u like it lots wallakwalla: those lyrics? yes squirrelwraithe: kewl squirrelwraithe: see i want to be able to write like that wallakwalla: yeah. even jordan cant write like that. wallakwalla: his words are too.... squirrelwraithe: i kno squirrelwraithe: he uses the same words in almost all his poems, and so they lose strength. but his words can make pain, but not like that song wallakwalla: yeah squirrelwraithe: that song is beautifully sick wallakwalla: yeah wallakwalla: his poems make me think. they dont make me sad squirrelwraithe: if jordan changed his themes, sturcture and words in his... i might cry... wallakwalla: yeah squirrelwraithe: but his poems are all similar wallakwalla: i almost cried at one... i dont remember which... but it struck me and i was like, wow... squirrelwraithe: and his arent the same... wallakwalla: yeah squirrelwraithe: he can write... but not like this guy squirrelwraithe: i just cannot write wallakwalla: who wrote that? squirrelwraithe: never have been good at least to mesquirrelwraithe: coron squirrelwraithe: or something brb squirrelwraithe: conor oberst. its bright eyes wallakwalla: emphasis on at least to you squirrelwraithe: thats the whole thing of something vague wallakwalla: i have a pic of him. i will cut it out for you squirrelwraithe: kewl t/y wallakwalla: your welcome. he is hot but bright eyes is yours squirrelwraithe: but me i cannot write and make people who read it dumbstruck or hurt or anything squirrelwraithe: yep wallakwalla: yes youc an wallakwalla: dearest friend... something else wallakwalla: and your propagandistic one squirrelwraithe: to me, they dont come from my depths they just brush the surface so t me i find them disgusting in bad wallakwalla: oh squirrelwraithe: i cannot actually write from my depths wallakwalla: it is hard... wallakwalla: it would be like turing a page of journal into a poem whichis really hard squirrelwraithe: which is why i prefer to have writers block than to write random rants in poetry from squirrelwraithe: need lyrics... squirrelwraithe: i want to send jordan those lyrics squirrelwraithe: im scared he'll lbock me wallakwalla: ok. besides them.. do you just need lyrics... wallakwalla: email them to him then squirrelwraithe: i need lyrics like for band wallakwalla: oh wallakwalla: hmm squirrelwraithe: im buying drums soon maybe wallakwalla: cool wallakwalla: did you email them squirrelwraithe: and moving my guitar keyboard and drums to the garage. my mom said if i got drums i could have guitar band squirrelwraithe: garage band ** wallakwalla: cool squirrelwraithe: even if i dont get drums if i get a band wallakwalla: that would be cool squirrelwraithe: i get garage wallakwalla: neato wallakwalla: my mom wants to take me and tony to rons house for dinner.... squirrelwraithe: ok squirrelwraithe: ttyl then wallakwalla: not nowwallakwalla: some other day.... squirrelwraithe: oh squirrelwraithe: jordan and paul like those lyrics wallakwalla: really? wallakwalla: so he didnt block u squirrelwraithe: nope. it was paul and i told him to make jordan read it wallakwalla: have YOU said anything about monday to him?(Jordan) squirrelwraithe: jordan? squirrelwraithe: no squirrelwraithe: i will buy the knife wallakwalla: ok... so like you come to my house then we get them? wallakwalla: the boys and your knife? squirrelwraithe: yea squirrelwraithe: and lyrics. i want him to try to write something like that. i told him if he could and have it done by monday and lets me use it for the band, i will pay him... but only if i like it wallakwalla: cool wallakwalla: hes being nice squirrelwraithe: toy ou? wallakwalla: to you wallakwalla: to me? hahahhahahaha squirrelwraithe: he ownt answer if he will write wallakwalla: oh. but about teh lyrics themselves squirrelwraithe: yea wallakwalla: oh squirrelwraithe: a girl was abducted and beaten until 3 lions came and chased her captors away. they guarded her until other people came and found her, then they just left wallakwalla: ok.. wallakwalla: wow squirrelwraithe: its kewl to me coz the lions would have attacked her but they protected her wallakwalla: yeah... thats why i say wow... squirrelwraithe: yea wallakwalla: the page wont load wallakwalla: gd squirrelwraithe: o wallakwalla: i think your bad mood rubbed off on me squirrelwraithe: im sry wallakwalla: eh its ok wallakwalla: i just noticed... squirrelwraithe: you're always looking for something to sniff, smoke, or swallow calling over next door to see what they got but you would settle for anythingthat would make your brain slow down or stop break this circle of thoughts you chase before the catch back up with you and your parents noticied your thinning face, all the weight you lost all the weight you are losing you said, "i'm done feeling like a skeleton no more sleep walking dead" you're going to wake from this coma you're going to crawl from this bed you have made and stop counting on that camera that hangs round your neck because it won't ever remember what you choose to forget as you try to find some source of light squirrelwraithe: try to name one thing you like you used to have such a longer list and light you never had to look for it but now it's so easy to second guess everything you do until all you want is to finish this half empty glass before the ice melts away this feeling used to pass but seems like it's every day and every night now wallakwalla: mm squirrelwraithe: i love him wallakwalla: mr oberst? squirrelwraithe: yes squirrelwraithe: his lyrics make him loveable squirrelwraithe: i love him wallakwalla: lol squirrelwraithe: i do wallakwalla: did i say i didnt believe you? squirrelwraithe: seriously if he is anything like his lyrics i am in love with him wallakwalla: lol squirrelwraithe: yea wallakwalla: has he answered u squirrelwraithe: he has writers block squirrelwraithe: u play violin... wallakwalla: yeah? wallakwalla: what about it...? squirrelwraithe: band wallakwalla: big whoop that he has wb squirrelwraithe: i kno lol he has until monday wallakwalla: yup 5 dayssquirrelwraithe: yep wallakwalla: and he gets money for his knife and possibly other things too wallakwalla: added......................................bonus? squirrelwraithe: im not making out wiht him wallakwalla: wasnt talkiga bout you squirrelwraithe: he is not oberst perrenoude way or paul wallakwalla: but yeah i guess im no bonus wallakwalla: i know wallakwalla: but squirrelwraithe: i guess you could be wallakwalla: screw it wallakwalla: right wallakwalla: waste squirrelwraithe: huh squirrelwraithe: i dont kno if he even likes to make out anymore wallakwalla: ... mind change. just... forget it i guess squirrelwraithe: o wallakwalla: im mad now and im not sure why.... squirrelwraithe: o squirrelwraithe: im sry squirrelwraithe: we can share paul wallakwalla: i dont want paul squirrelwraithe: ok wallakwalla: i want..... i dont know squirrelwraithe: you want him wallakwalla: not paul squirrelwraithe: jordan wallakwalla: at the moment, im not sure. wallakwalla: what you thought about him and stuff changed... wallakwalla: he's been an ass. squirrelwraithe: o and i got a little mad so i just left for like 15 minutes and went in my room and laid down because i didnt want to blow up at anyone. got bck online for a bit talked to her more... told her partially why i got off... told her the phone booted me... which it kind of did. it rang like... right after i left. we went to village in for dinner. were supposed to go to media play but mom broke a tooth and tony was sick. so we came home and i went in my room and ate all of my brownie batter icecream. wrote some poems and shit... watched music videos... went to bed around 11. well thats my day.