well, its been a crazy/boring day. this morning, andrew(my bro) made pancakes, hes good at cooking! he left at 1ish 4 ski club(he boards). hes SO good 2, well, better than me, lol. this morning i woke up at 9 & my throat hurt SO bad, i couldnt breathe. im wicked sick. i can hardly talk... brandi made me 2 more mixes & i like them alot. i feel bad tho, i dont want our friendship 2 end in her thinking im using her. she does SO much 4 me and gives me a ton of stuff, i mean i love it(& her ;)) but i feel SO bad! i i love her so much!!!! i have fell in love with Hawthorne Heights!! I absolutly love this band!!! they rock!!! if it wasnt 4 brandi, i wouldnt know them....:( anyways, baq2 my day...lol. so i cleaned up my dresser and cleaned my room a bit. mom and joel are FINALLY putting in the pipes 4 the stove, so soo, we wont have 2 heat the house by gas, we will have a wood burning stove in the living room. its awesome!! my mom is also making chili 4 dinner, i LOVE that stuff! and my mom is a great cook. i need chapstick, my lips are getting chapped, lol, not that anyone would want to kiss this or anything, but yea. my sister made me a necklace at her day care, its bright orange yarn and 5 hard plastic things w/pictures on them. one is herself, one is a blue butterfly, one is a star, one is spongebob, and the last one is a rocket. she is very good at drawing for being only 4 and a half years old. god even my sister has talent. my mom says that she is her lil musician or something like that bc she wants to learn how 2 play this and that and she LOVES music...lol, so do I! i dunno, i just dont fit in this family, im not that smart like eric, i cant draw like andrew, and im not the perfect child that she seems to want from me...wutever, i fucked up her life and im sorry, but she had the choice... im in a fairly good mood so im not gonna go depress myself, :) see....me being happy..lol. i wanna dye my hair black w/hott pink chunks/highlights in it!! but my mom said no, damn, lol. but she dyed her hair a redish colour. it looks good, she looks good as a redhead (she is naturally a blonde/dark blonde) god, lately ive been going crazie, I cant stop thinking about mike (ex). i mean i dont like him & i dont miss him, yet when i found out he had sex with this chick, it irked me...i dunno y..i mean, when i look at him, i dont feel anything, i dont like him, so y does it bother me. i mean part of me doesnt care but part of me is..i dunno....I dunno...but i still care about him as a friend tho i wish i had a bf. this guy, jimmy t., im starting to like again. we are friends but hes a guy that does stuff that i dont. i mean i have only kissed a guy and thats bout it, and i know that he does/expects more. so he and I couldnt work. that & I heard something bout him from & ex of his or maybe she was just a friend, i dont remember, but she told me something thats like...really bad....:/....i dunno. joe s. was trying to do some lil dance move at lunch yesterday, it was kinda funny bc he couldnt. hes so cute & funny. lol, i use 2 have the BIGGEST crush on this guy...but he is still cute..lol. i havent gotten a letter from chris yet. he texts me an email but it almost always says the same thing "i just wanted to say hi & i love you and i cant wait 2 see you" lol. hes coming baq home in a couple of weeks. but i wont be able 2 see him bc we never go 2 chicopee anymore. zach & trey come here about every other weekend & thats it. zach STILL wants me!!!! ive known him since i was in 2nd grade & he was in 1st. andrew(my bro) & zach had the same class & it was the 1st second zach & I laid eyes on each other, it was love at 1st sight, lol. i finally got over my feelings a few years ago but he hasnt, lol. i dunno if he ever will. so whenever i started 2 flirt or if it looks/seems like im flirting, zach would be SUCH an ass & call me a bitch & say he hates me & his mom would bitch at me..kinda...we would "talk". but he dont do that anymore bc we had a long talk one night about EVERYTHING. so yea, when we see each other, i give him a huge hug and a lil kiss, lol, nuthin wild, just a peck on da lips, lol. & he understands that theres nuthin in that kiss. well ill go now bc i JUST noticed i was rambling, lol. ~i love ya like i love brandi~ ~kimmi~