I got home at 10:30. today was a lot of fun. I got to hang out with Dusten all day, well most of the day. Then we went back to his house and I got to FINALLY see his house. Then he took me to his and his friend's *s*e*c*r*e*t s*p*o*t, lol. They are going to build a house (so they dream) and it was fun, till we started to be eaten alive, lol. But that is okay, and I found out he is dating this girl named Sam. that is good for him, he is painfully shy around girls., I remember when we first met, our first Rites, it was A LOT of fun, and I remember how quite he was! Anyways, I gauged my ears, they are up to an eight. They still kind of hurt, but oh well. I kind of liked it. I have noticed that ever since I stopped cutting, anything that hurts physically, seems to lift up my spirits a little, like, I like the pain, I am SO messed up, so gauging my ears hurt (which I hate) but then again I liked the pain, made me feel real I guess. I am in a weird mood today. :/ Well, I got home later than we planned so Dusten is spending the night since he doesn't really like drivng at night.. so he is sleeping on the couch. Right now he is watching Austin Powers-Goldmember, lol. We aren't having the tag sale tomorrow because it is suppose to rain tomorrow. oh well, this means that I don't have to get up at 7 am..that is CRAZY talk! I really like Sarah still! And I told her about what Cai and I did and she seemed fine with it, but then again you can hide voice tones and body language and facial expressions when online. I wonder if she still likes me? I kind of hope so. I also miss Cai though, like I haven't sent him an email or anything because I don't want to get annoying. Whenever a relationship deepens with me, I tend to be REALLY self-concious, like I always feel like a bore or a bother and I feel that I get annoying even by saying hello. People tell me that I am not, but I guess I am just paranoid. :/ hmm.. love always- -me