When you can't have something... you want it. When you loose something... you realize you can't live without it. I really have never been this way. If I can't have something I think about it realistically and determine if I should still persue this "dream" or move on. Usually I can move on quite well. I have lost something and I want it back. Right now I am fooling myself. I am making myself believe that it is slowly coming back to me. I've been taking little baby steps, I want to dive head first in, but im not letting myself. I want to tell someone of all my feelings... but I keep it bottled up occasinally letting a few things slide. I am so caught up in my daydreams.. In my daydreams I confess all I have to say and my feelings are returned to me 100% Everything is perfect everything is better than it ever was. I can replay this daydream in a million diffrent settings. I can see it unfold in many familar places. All filled with love and happiness. Then I snap back to reality. I guess what I am having difficulty with is the question of how I can make it my reality. I know what I want. I know that I have to ability to go for it. But something is stopping me. Fear of Rejection. Fear of Silence. Fear of the Laughter. The Intimidation. The Humility. The Success? I don't want to be just aother stupid girl. If I don't got for it then I need to leave it alone. I need to stop feeding the fire... I can try to stop the daydreams.. but at night.. I have no control over myself. I woke up crying the other night and I couldn't stop even though the dream was over I just couldn't stop thinking that my chance is gone.. that that was it. I've never had dreams like this before. Am I wrong in thinking it means something? I don't want to loose that chance. I don't want to miss out and what might have been. ~Jessica*~